~ nine ~

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We all had walked back to Paul's house shortly after finding eachother in the streets. I stayed relatively quiet throughout the stroll, still embarrassed about my emotions and feelings towards Paul. To avoid any type of weird tension, I safely tucked my words away in the back of my mind.

If I wanna tell Paul about this, it has to be at the right time.

Not now.

As we walked up the stairs, I lit a cigarette between my lips and shoved my hands into my pockets. My eyes scanned the familiar bedroom as Richard shut the door behind us.

Paul walked over to his desk and picked up a pen, clicking it in his hands a few times. "So, what do we plan to do today, then?" He asked awkwardly, attempting to make conversation.

I looked back up at him and cleared my throat, "Dunno, Macca."

George scoffed, "Great suggestion, Lennon."


Paul chuckled a bit to himself before he reached for his bass, strumming each string slowly while biting his bottom lip. He was sat next to me on the bed with his legs crossed.


Without being conscious of it, a smile crept on to my face as I watched Paul play the instrument. In a desperate attempt, I stared back down at the floor to hide my wide grin.

"Could practice a song, we could?" Richard suggested. "Hope ye lads can go wi' out a drummer bein' me kit's at home, though."

And with that, we all harmonized a tune. The whole time I stared longingly at Paul as George shot us weary glances every now and then.

As Paul sang, he turned around, moving his hips in a way that was almost mesmerizing. I came up behind the boy and placed my hands on them, singing into the microphone as Paul laughed through his words.

In the middle of covering Honey Don't, George stopped playing his instrument, a look of concern in his eyes made me feel quite anxious.

Paul and I were so lost in what we were doing, George had to call our names several times before we paid any notice. Richard just simply watched and giggled to himself.

George groaned, "John, ye mind steppin' out for a bit?"

I bit my lip nervously, "Sure. Yeah, no problem." I set my guitar down and left the room.

I slid down the door and crossed my arms, wondering what the Hell they could be chatting about. This all felt so weird. If I'm really apart of this band, why do I always get kicked out of the room during discussions?

Curiousity eventually took over me and I leaned my ear against the wooden door, paying close attention to every word spoken.

"That John kid is so..." George paused in his speaking, allowing Paul to continue his sentence. "So..."

"Artistic?" Paul laughed, "I can see that."

"No! ...He's so... strange." George pointed out.

Richard chuckled a bit, "How so, Geo?"

"He's jus so... touchy wi' ye, Paul, and... yer touchy wi' him right back!" George exclaimed.

Paul began to laugh a bit more nervously, "And? What're ye suggestin', Harrison?"

"I think he's a right queer! And he's bloody in love wi' ye Paulie." George hissed.

The room stayed silent for quite a while, causing my heart to skip a beat... and not in a cute way, but in a scared, unsure way.

"That's jus not true, Geo, I promise ye that one. Jeez, have ye lost yer mind?" Richard replied in a low voice. "John's not queer and neither is Paul. Yer crazy for even suggestin' such a thing!"

"Yeah, Geo, I mean... I've got a girl of me own! How could I possibly love a bloke in that way. No, we're all jus good friends." Paul announced, causing my heart to break in an instant. "And I know John feels the same."

Don't be so sure about that, Macca.

I couldn't stomach anymore of that conversation. I stepped back a few steps and headed downstairs, tears threatening to pour out of my eyes. Tossing on my coat, Jim turned to me with a confused expression.

"Going home, already?" He asked me with a curious brow.

I took in a deep breath, "Yeah, I am." I paused for a moment, "Tell Paul to ring me later, if ye can."

He nodded his head, "Alright, son. Don't go out and do somethin' stupid."

I didn't reply, I simply closed the door behind me and was off.

I walked down the desolate road, my heart still feeling crushed and my stomach still in knots.

All I wanted to do was see my boy, but George had to go and ruin it all. Why? Because we seemed too close? He's impossible, and if he continues to butt-in to Paul and I's friendship, I may just lose me bloody mind.

Eventually, I was back at home, sinking deeper into my blues on my own. All I want to do now is crawl into a ball and forget the world even exists. Hearing Paul state that he has a girlfriend and would never want to be with a man continued to shatter me.

He has. A girlfriend.

Now, there's definitely not a chance for me to be closer to Paul.

I grinded my teeth in slight anger, yet I still felt a tinge of excitement. Hah! Who am I kidding?! That didn't change a damn thing. I can get rid of that bird, no problem. I covered my face with my hands. It's really no big deal.

I just... need to talk to Paul if it's the last thing I ever do.

Don't Pass Me By // MclennonWhere stories live. Discover now