Fallen Angels (UNEDITED)

XLVI

Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go, there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double
~ The Clash, Should I Stay Or Should I Go

"So that's it? You're moving out in a couple of days and you'll be gone all weekend too?" Kyle stares at me in disbelief as he leans against the counter beside the toaster, waiting for his toaster strudels.

"I am really appreciative of everything you have done for me, but I think living by myself is something I need to do. I've never been on my own before, I've always had someone with me." I tuck the loose strands from my ponytail behind my ears, dropping my eyes to look at the worn out Ikea table, "all my life I've been dependent on other people, and I feel like if I stay here with you amazing people I'll continue to feel dependent. Lucas wouldn't even let me pay for the pizza that I ate most of last night."

It's been a week since I went apartment hunting and signed a lease for this amazing place close to the city, but close to the boys at the same time.

"If this is how you feel, then I support you." Devon pipes in from across the table with his coffee mug in hand and his son in the other.

"I think this is a great idea." Caroline says, walking into the kitchen with a diaper bag slung over her shoulder and a breast pump in hand. "I'll have a place to hide out at when I need to get away from those two."

"Who am I going to binge watch Criminal Minds with now?" Lucas pouts, "Kyle ruins it all the time and Erik leaves every five seconds to go for a smoke or walk around! You are the only one who gets me."

Erik, he's been silent this whole morning from the moment our eyes locked when he was leaving the bathroom in nothing but a towel and me? Only a pair of cheeky underwear and a tight tank top.

I had thought it had been early enough in the morning no one would be up, but boy was I wrong.

Seeing him still wet from his shower made me ache, I wanted him, but he made it clear the feeling for now, wasn't mutual.

"Will you be home tonight?" Kyle asks, sitting down beside me with his burnt toaster strudel, "we finally get to release the music videos for Rockstar and Me Against The Devil."

"That's tonight?" Devon questions, "babe, can you text Scarlett's roommate saying we can pick the cat up later?"

"Scar's roommate doesn't want Ivy anymore?" Kyle looks at Devon with sadness in his blue eyes, "how could she not want Ivy? She's the greatest cat ever."

"Kyle the cat is coming here." Lucas rolls his eyes at Kyle's behaviour, "but seriously Avril you'll be here tonight? You aren't going out with Isla again?"

The past few nights i've been hanging out at Isla's place watching reruns of Friends while eating some type of healthy shit ice cream that the variety store down the road from her place sells.

"No not tonight, I'm here tonight." I smile at the faces in the room, all so familiar and comforting, even Caroline who I've barely spoken to.

"Good, so the real question is pizza or tacos?" The room erupts into laughter and banter on what to eat tonight as the videos this band has worked so hard on will be released.

The record label has had me promoting the videos in hopes that they can cover up the situation with Scarlett; they want to give her enough privacy.

I would say their strategy worked as twitter has been buzzing about the release of their single and a surprise video which is really just the Rockstar cover.

The day is spent with everyone hanging out in their separate rooms or in the living room watching some ER show.

I start to use the boxes I got from Isla and pack the few things I have away, making sure to leave enough clothes for my trip to Boston and the next few days.