Take me Home

Chapter 36

Chapter 36

The only advice Helen had given was to take her back to the hospital for the therapy she was meant to be getting. Because of the lack of oxygen to the brain when her heart stopped for 2 minutes and the bleeding on the brain, they were warned about the side effects of aggression and depression. Jade started a bit of therapy while she was in there, but she had refused, much like she was doing now.

"Jade, you have to go back. You were meant to see the doctor a month ago." Jade just sat in her chair with her arms crossed. Marcus wanted to be angry that she was throwing her life away, but he couldn't because at least Jade was talking even if it was very little and at least she was out of bed now.

"I know, but why go when I already know what they will say." Jade sighed and closed her eyes. All of this was too much. She knew she should have stayed in bed, but she thought she would get up. Everything was draining for her. She craved sleep because it was the only time she felt she was at peace with herself.

When she opened her eyes, she saw Marcus crouching down in front of her. He reached out and grabbed her ruined hands and gave them a gentle squeeze before bringing them up to his lips and gently kissing them. She sighed at the feeling of his soft lips on her hands and wished everything about her life was as gentle as that small kiss.

"I know, but if you want to get better, the first step is going back to the hospital and starting occupational therapy. That with the combination of the right medication we can get you back on track, but you need to try Jade." She slumped down in her chair. She was trying, she was trying so hard.

Marcus didn't have any idea how hard it was for her to wake up every morning. How hard it is to be awake. How hard it was to not drown herself in alcohol to take away the pain and forget. He didn't understand how hard it was to dream every night and wake up terrified and not understand why you were so scared.

"Only once." She murmured softly hoping if she went once then he would get off her back. She watched a Marcus smiled softly at her and it broke her a little inside to see that something so small could make him so happy. 

He deserved better than her.

***

A week later Jade found herself back at the place she hated most. The smell of anaesthetic lingered in the air, that and the smell of pain and suffering. She was focusing on trying to control her breathing, so she didn't go into a full-blown panic attack she knew was brewing under the surface.

"You are going great Jade," Marcus said squeezing her leg even though she didn't feel it. She smiled at him tightly and she took another deep breath letting the air release slowly. Time was ticking by slowly and Jade prayed every second the minute hand ticked over that they would cancel her appointment.

"Jade Jennings." She looked up to see the young doctor with a clipboard smile at her as she was the only one in the room. Before Jade could wheel herself out of there Marcus stood up and started pushing Jade towards the doctor. They followed behind where he took them into a small room before closing the door.

The moment the door closed she felt like the room was closing in on her. She could see the doctor talking, but she felt like she was underwater again. She felt like a stranger in her own body as an imaginary pain began to take over her body. Her back felt like it was fire and she had phantom pain in her legs. The doctor was looking at her waiting for an answer she thought, but she wouldn't even hear a word that was being said as the rumbling sound of waves filled her ears. She knew coming here was a bad idea, and she wished she could just wheel herself away.

"Jade. Do you understand why therapy is important?" The doctor asked for the second time and Jade just shrugged her shoulders pretending she was listening.