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Review by Sunshine: Wolf Child

Title: Wolf Child

Author: Cs3ng3

Summary: 4/5

I think your summary is pretty great! It introduces the main character, the setting and the biggest conflict. I'm also loving the rhetorical question at the end. I do have a few pointers, though.

Firstly, you need a comma between the "fate" and "she" in the sentence "To fulfil her fate she sets sail...".

Secondly, the cohesiveness isn't really convincing. First sentence mentions dark secrets of her past, next sentence mentions fulfilling her fate, and then there is revenge, gold and Midgard's most powerful weapon. I know you don't want to give away too much to the reader, but as someone who hasn't read the book yet, I don't see a link between dark secrets of the past and fulfilling her fate. And then, we don't know what 'Midgard's most powerful weapon' is and we don't know why it is significant or relevant at all. So maybe a bit more information could actually make the book more captivating. 

Grammar: 3/5

This is probably going to be the one I stress the most, only because it was your lowest score. But, seriously though, the fact that English is your second language – you did extremely well! English grammar is so different to the grammar in other languages, so for you to adapt to that – it's no easy feat, so you should be very proud of yourself.

But let's get into the nitty-gritty. Firstly, I think your biggest issue was run-on sentences and the use of commas; those were the ones that broke the fluency of the story. There were times where I think you needed commas but didn't have them, but there were also times where you used commas when I think a stronger punctuation mark should have been used. For example:

"Lifa wasted no time, she grabbed a fallen shield from the ground..."

I don't think the comma is strong enough to separate the two clauses. I think a full-stop, or even a semicolon, would be more apt.

My suggestion is to read the story aloud to pinpoint where you need a comma. When you take a short pause for the sentence to make sense, have a comma. If the pause is longer, try something stronger.

There were also some basic things that need polishing. Some sentences, particularly after dialogue, didn't start with a capital letter – which needs fixing. Whenever you're using ellipses (...), you need to ensure you use three periods and no more or less. Things like ".." or "...." are not correct.

And your quotation marks aren't consistent. Sometimes you have the opening inverted commas ("), but sometimes, you have them looking like two commas (,,). Please keep them consistent.

Character Building: 4/5

You have a knack for showing the feelings of characters in a beautifully poetic way! Your characters are well-rounded and feel very real to follow – I love Lìfa's bravery and strength, and I also adore Sveinn. All the character interactions are engaging and the language they use feels very fantasy-esque, which is great. Your characterisation has been done very, very well. Amazing work!

My only issue was that you often bordered into telling instead of showing. While you told things in a sleek, sophisticated way, I think there were often moments where showing would have been more effective for the reader.

For example, when Sveinn was introduced, you had a whole paragraph about how they were best friends and the type of attitude Sveinn has. Cute, but maybe could be better if it was shown. Maybe have them battle side by side and make Lìfa predict his every move just because they've been together for so long. 

Writing Style: 4/5

I'm going to start by saying that you are great at describing the sensory details! I love the way you describe the sound and scent, especially during the action-packed scenes, and you've done a pretty good job at setting the scenes. I do wish we had a bit more description of the setting every now and then, but you've done a sound job.

And, once again, I can't get over how great you are at describing the feelings and emotions of characters. Seriously great job.

I do think you could maybe do with more cliffhangers at the end of chapters, just to keep the tension ramping towards a climax. I also was thinking about your new world-building vocabulary, such as a Scramasaxas, for example. I know you explain at the bottom of the chapters what they are, but I think there should be a small sentence describing each new word in the paragraph they are introduced. Just so the reader knows what they are reading about without having to scroll down. 

Plot + Originality: 5/5

I really don't have much to say here about from how much I adore the world. As someone who is a big high-fantasy geek, reading this just made me feel good all over. It's unique, badass, and just so enchanting to read. Your chapters, thus far, have been completely purposeful and have never strayed away from a steady plot. So well done, and I can't wait to see where it goes! I did suspect that Finn was working for Ingolf, just because his 'relationship' with Lìfa developed so quickly – but that was executed nicely! And I definitely think there's more to the story – so I can't wait for it to continue! 

OVERALL SCORE: 20/25

Overall, a really great start! You are great at building a completely new world, and I love your descriptions and characters. Just work on those punctuation rules and avoid telling us too much about the characters at once, but otherwise, you're doing amazing! I hope this review helps.