Valentin and Rojo | ✓

eleven (2nd draft)

Adriana

I didn't want help with the building. Unfortunately, I had no idea what the fuck I was doing when it came to the desk. It had been ten minutes of low music playing as Xavier helped me set it up in the corner.

"Do you want it closer to the wall or more to the right?" he asked.

I stared and had no idea what I wanted. "More to the right," I said. He nodded and set the desk down. "Thank you," I mumbled out. He gave me a tight smile and went to leave the room.

Fuck.

"Wait," I said when he had one foot out the door. He circled and looked back at me. "I don't... I don't know where to put this, uh," I pointed to a random plant I had bought, "plant. Um, do you have any ideas?" He chuckled and nodded.

"Well," he strolled towards me, "this corner is kinda empty." He carried it to the corner near where my vanity was going to be. It actually looked good there. "Look good to you?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I rambled. "Looks very... neat."

Neat? What the fuck?

"Alright," he smiled, "do you need any more help?"

I sat down on my bed as my back was facing him. I only hoped he wouldn't leave and left me talking to myself. "No I don't but uhm... I know we aren't on good terms but I want to trust you. I'm not sitting here and asking you to tell me your life story because that isn't my business. Nonetheless, I live with you. I see you everyday. Yesterday, I... I felt safe with you. Like I knew nothing was going to happen to me while I stayed with you. Fuck," I exhaled and turned around to meet his eyes. "I don't trust your words but I want to. In a way, I kinda need to. I know that I haven't given you the opportunity to talk to me, so... go ahead."

He sighed, walking to sit next to me on the bed. He placed his hand over mine and looked at me with sullen eyes. "I never hated you. I hated the idea of you. And what I knew about you added fuel to the fire. I knew you as spoiled and entitled but you aren't. You're loved. Your parents would do anything to protect you and make sure you're okay. I don't... I don't know that feeling, Adriana. I don't know my mom and my dad is a bit distant. I envied you. Fuck, I still do." Xavier tightened his hand around mine. "I hate how you make me feel. I hate it. I hate how I would take a bullet for you and I barely know you. Everything I thought I knew was a lie. Like fuck, I don't even know your favorite color."

"Red," I answered. He stared at me in confusion but then softly chuckled. "I like all shades of red and I think it's a color everyone can pull off. I hated you, too. The only thing I knew about you was that you hated me. I didn't know why and after a while, the reason mattered less and less. It hurt... when I found out about your girlfriend. I know, I know. I shouldn't have hoped for anything but I couldn't help it. I don't forgive you but I think you want me to."

"I do. Let me explain, please."

"I didn't expect it to hurt as much as it did. After that, I would look you and not have the slightest idea about who you are." We both turned towards my door when we hear:

"X! Adri! I'm homeeee!" Lily yelled as her heels clacked against the tile. 

"It's so good to see you, Lily," I mumbled against her shoulder. She pulled back and grinned at me.

"You look so pretty! You have this... this glow," she said as she cupped my face and stared at me intensely.

"Thank you. Xavier should be down -"

"Lily, to what do we owe the pleasure?" Xavier bear hugged Lily and kissed her cheek. "Where have you been?"

"Unfortunately, running a drug cartel is harder than you might think," she answered. She noticed the shift in atmosphere and asked: "Xavier, would you be a darling and grab us some iced tea?"

"Sure thing, Lily."

She sat down on the couch and patted next to her. When I turned towards her, she let out a soft sigh. "What's going on?"

I knew what she meant, but frankly.. I didn't want to talk about it. Nothing about him and I made sense. I was in the middle of it and I didn't fucking know what was going on.

"Uh, well," I mumbled out, not knowing what to say. "I don't know, he's... Xavier." I dryly responded with. I had no idea what to say. He was always hot and cold with me. It made me want to punch him in the face.

"I've known Xavier for his whole life, so I mean it when I say that he's very fucking confusing," I chuckled at how true that was. "But... he also has one of the biggest hearts. From what I can see, whatever the fuck is going on between you two... he doesn't want to hurt you in the end."

"Too bad he has a girlfriend," I mumbled.

"Karina?" She furrowed her brows and I nodded, remembering Xavier say that name when she came over. "What? No, they broke up a really long time ago. They were together for about three years. She broke his damn heart. Left him for a... Josh? I don't know but they aren't on speaking terms."

"But, Luis said—" I started before she cut me off.

"Bless his soul, but Luis is absolutely clueless when it comes to X and his life."

No wonder he was so persistent on explaining. It still didn't make sense to me; he could've blurted out how she was nothing to him. Actually, I had never even given him the chance to. Not that I would've believed him anyway. 

"You should talk to him. I can't speak for him. I don't know what he feels or what he wants. All I know is that she is out of his life and isn't coming back."

I didn't know if I should tell him the whole truth. To be honest, I was scared. Scared of losing him. I knew it would be inevitable. My home was in New York City; not in California. At one point, I would lose him. I would leave him and it would break me. It would shatter my heart in a million pieces. At the same time, if I never told him how I felt... I would regret it.

In this situation, I felt as if there was no win. If I fell in love with him, leaving would kill me and so would staying. If I kept everything to myself, it would've ate me alive.

Taking her advice, I hesitantly strolled to the kitchen and saw as he was adding sweetener to the iced tea. He was mumbling nothings to himself and when I touched his shoulder, he dropped his spoon. "Sorry, I just..."

"Do you like your tea sweet or, like, on the bitter side?" he asked.

"Can we talk?" I blurted. He looked taken aback but then he nodded, crossing his arms across his chest. "Lily told me... about you and Karina. Rather, what you guys used to be. Uh, I'm so sorry. Mainly for not letting you explain yourself and punching you. That wasn't really reasonable but I was mad. I know that isn't a valid reason so I'm sorry. I know your past isn't my business and I shouldn't ask about it --"

"Look, you can," he interrupted. "I was never upfront about my past because I thought it didn't matter. I didn't imagine caring so much about you, Adriana. This," he waved his finger between us, "was never supposed to happen. Telling you about Karina... that never crossed my mind because I never thought this would happen. As much as I want this... it can't happen again."

"I'm sorry?"

"Your father would obliterate me. He did not send you to California for us to be together. You're everything I could ever ask for but you're leaving." His tone was so sweet and soft, if only his words were the same. "The last thing I want to happen is for us to end in tears." He turned his back and started to carry the tea out to where Lily was. Acting fast, I grabbed a spoon and threw it at the back of his head. 

He placed the tea on an empty counter and turned around. "You're stupid," I said as I moved towards him. I placed my hands on his cheeks and stood on my tiptoes. With no warning, I melded my lips with his. His hands grasped my waist and he pulled me in closer. I kissed with everything I had and pressed my body against his. 

"Guys! I'm gonna go take a nap!" Lily yelled but we ignored her. 

"You're stupid," I repeated as we pulled away from each other. "Tell me you don't want me. Tell me that you want to be just roommates. Tell me." When he said nothing, I yelled, "Tell me, Xavier, tell me!"

"Sabes bien que te quiero," he whispered and kissed me.