37. Dimple

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As much as I did not want to leave my bed for the rest of the day, I do have a real life. And while I am more than happy to put everything else on hold because of Jungkook, I couldn't actually put my dog on hold as well. That's not how real life works.

As tempting as it was to roll around in the sheets with Kook all damn day, I did have to take GD out for a quick walk and I do have to buy some food for myself. Once that is done, we can resume our 'have sex and cuddle while we can' plan but until then, I need to be a responsible woman.

Luckily for me, just because I had some things to do didn't mean Jungkook couldn't do it with me. And here I am now, walking my dog while holding what it might seem to others like an invisible hand.

Jungkook did not shut up. In fact, the only time he had shut up over the last few hours was when his mouth was otherwise occupied. On a normal day, I truly would not have a problem with that. What worries me now is why he is like that.

And the worst part is, I know the answer. He is like that because he's trying to squeeze everything into the six days we have. The giggles, the random comments, the honest talking about anything and everything, the sex, the spontaneous make out sessions, kisses out of the blue.

He literally is not letting me sleep like a normal person because he's trying to squeeze weeks and months of a... fling or a relationship into 6 days.

Normally, it would be too much for me. I was never particularly affectionate or cheesy and while Jungkook does kind of waken that in me, in a normal situation, he'd be too much. Now, when I know why he's doing it, I can only take it in my stride, ignoring the bitter taste in my mouth.

The clock is ticking.

"Can I tell you something?" he asks as we sit down on a bench, away from everyone else in the park, as we watch GD run like the free pup he is. As much as I have grown to accept the fact that not only can I see a ghost, but I'm also sleeping with one, the rest of the world still can't see him.

"Sure you can."

"The cutest thing about you is your dimple," he chuckles and actually pokes the place where my dimple would be if I was smiling – I'm not, I'm looking at him like he's nuts. I mean, I get it, he's cute, I have my moments too but he's acting like he's on a love potion. "I have never seen someone that only has one dimple. I mean, I know some people have it but I've never actually seen it," he pokes my dimple again. "You're so cute JJ."

"You're pretty cute yourself," I chuckle, doing my best not to crush his spirit. The whole situation is bad enough as it is, the last thing he needs is to deal with my inability to express feelings.

"But you're also super-hot," he chuckles. "I actually did jerk off once."

"Kook!" I smack him on the hand.

"Hey, I'm a guy, I saw you naked, I had to do what I had to do!" he defends himself through laughter.

"Okay, you're forgiven but please stop it with the confessions," I laugh, shaking my head at him. Every single time I said something about him pleasuring himself to the thought of me, I was joking. I didn't actually think he would actually do it, but Jungkook never fails to surprise.

The more we talk, the more I feel worse about the whole thing. I'm trying to enjoy it and I'm trying to respect his wishes but all I can think of is that the time is... running out. In a few days' time, I simply won't have him by my side and the thought of it actually hurts.

I have no clue how he grew on me. I was aware that he had become a friend, of course. But not until the night before did I realize that I actually like him, completely like him. It's not only attraction, it's not a simple friendship. It's basically the first stage of a relationship feelings, that's what's happening.

And we only have six days left before he dies. Before he actually dies and is no longer with me.

"Why are you so quiet?" Jungkook asks. I look at him and again, it feels like a stab to the gut. He has the sweetest face I have ever seen. He can... he can look so innocent. He has his moments and he can be annoying as hell but he has such a cute and innocent face, with his cheeks and cute eyes and I can't even look at his smile without thinking of crying. And now, with the unspoken worry written all over his face, I feel even worse than I have felt seconds ago.

"I'm just worried, that's all," I mumble, looking down at my feet because I know that if I keep my eyes on him, I would end up crying again and I don't want to put him through that. The poor guy already has enough on his plate. "I keep... I keep wondering if there is something more that... If we can go to that fortune teller lady, if we can go and talk to someone, if we..."

"JJ," he interrupts me. I choke down a sob, not wanting to make a scene, not wanting to make this any worse than it already is. "JJ, please just look at me. Come on, look at me," he nudges his leg against mine and I finally take a deep breath and look at him. He's smiling. He's smiling, with that smile of his, that signature smile that turns me into mush and makes me want to sob into his chest for hours. He smiles and he grabs my hand. "It's okay, JJ. I have accepted it. I am okay with this. I don't want to try, I don't want to waste time. I just want to be with you. That's all, that's all I want and that's all I'm getting."

"And what about me?" I ask. Unlike before, I am fairly calm even though I am crying. Again, I look away because the sight of him is just too painful. "I don't want to be selfish, I don't want to be that person but what the hell am I supposed to do without you? Huh?"

"The same things you did before me JJ. Life goes on. People die all the time."

"No, Jungkook, it's not like that. It's not the same and you can't make it seem like it is. It's different. People die but before they die, you don't know the exact amount of time you have. You don't have seven days of a preview of what your life would be like. It's fucking painful. This is... this is what could have been. I am living in what could have been and I will be kicked out of it in just a few days and you won't be here to help me."

"Jihyun, I know you can handle it," he tells me. "If anyone can pick themselves up and move on, it's you."

"I can't believe what I'm going to say but... it's easy for you to say," I am shocked with the words that leave my mouth and I'm even more shocked with the fact that I consider them to be true. "I am not trying to make my situation seem worse because it's obviously not. But you're going to... move out of this limbo. And the rest of us are going to be left here mourning you."

"I know," he sighs, squeezing my hand. "It is going to be worse for you guys than it will be for me."

"How am I going..." I laugh. Unable to finish my sentence, I just laugh. It takes me a few moments before I gather my thoughts and calm myself. "I got used to you. I've grown feelings for you. You became my best friend and so much more than that. And now what? After a seven day extravaganza I just have to move on? Act like it had never happened? And to make it even worse, I'll have no one to talk to about this because how do you explain that you are mourning and getting over a damn ghost?!"

"Sweetheart, I told you. I'm never leaving you. Not ever, not really."

"But you are," I shake my head. "You are. And you want me to accept it because you don't want me to lose my damn mind. It's too late for that."

"Let's go home," he suggests suddenly.

"To the place that will serve as an eternal reminder of you? Sure, why not. I'll actually have to move out this time around. And I don't even have a picture with you, or anything."

"You have this," his finger moves the bracelet on my wrist, the one he gave me as a memory, before we were even aware that our rescue mission absolutely wouldn't work. "You have this and so much more."

I know what he means. I know what he means when he says so much more because it's painfully obvious that I am not the only one feeling something here.

I just don't have the heart to tell him that that more will be worth nothing when he's no longer around. 

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