Colorless

Chapter 2

BEFORE

"Hale?" I heard Sam call from the top bunk. "Are you still awake?" I could hear him climbing down the ladder. It was the night before our first trip outside of the wall. Everybody seemed to be having a hard time falling asleep. 

"Yeah, I'm still awake, Sammy." I replied sleepily. 

"I- I have a weird question." He said while standing at the end of my bed. I didn't say anything, just gave him an expectant look. "Could I, uh, stay in your bed tonight? I'm too scared to be by myself." He lightly chucked, but I could hear the hysteria in his voice anyways. 

I was a little hesitant to let him stay in my bed with me, what if someone came in and saw? It would look really weird. But when I looked up at his frightened face I knew there was no way I could say no to my best friend. "Sure. Get in Sammy." I moved aside and held my blanket up so he could crawl in. 

He got in beside me and we both laid there staring at the top bunk in awkward silence for a few seconds. "Thanks, Hale." He said in a relieved voice. 

"No problem, Sammy. Goodnight." I turned over so my back was facing him and tried to fall back asleep. I was having a hard time with it though. Every time I got too close to Sam my body would react in a strange way. I couldn't explain it. I just got really warm and frantic. I wanted to pull his body towards mine and comfort him, but obviously I couldn't do that. It wasn't like I was gay or anything, I often found girls attractive. I just hadn't ever bothered to date, because, really, what's the point? Who knows how much time any of us soldiers have left. 

"I need to tell you something." Sam said in a quiet voice after a couple of minutes. I debated whether or not I should just pretend to be asleep. We really did need to get rest for the next day. 

Eventually I decided to see what he needed to tell me so I could get back to trying to sleep. I turned back around so I was facing him. He was closer than I was expecting, his face was almost touching mine. I quickly pulled my face away and silently hoped he couldn't see the pink blush on my face. "What?"  

"I'm, in l-love with you." He quickly stuttered. 

No. No, no, no. This couldn't be happening. I wasn't gay. I didn't have those thoughts about my best friend. How could he do that to me? He had put me into an extremely compromising situation. The reason the situation was so bad for me was because my older brother had been disowned by my parents for being gay a couple of years earlier. When they found out they gave him 2 hours to collect all of his belongings and get out. They told him never to contact them or me again. And he hadn't. I don't know what happened to my brother. "What did you just say?" I hissed at him. 

"I think you heard me." He said quietly. "And I think you feel the same way." He gently placed both of his hands on my chest. I quickly grabbed his arms and pushed them away. 

"I don't, Sammy. I'm sorry, but I don't." I said. I knew in this sort of situation I should probably tell him to get out of my bed, but I wanted him to stay and just be quiet. I didn't want him to say another word. It was too confusing. 

"Please, Hale. I know you do. I can see it in the way you look at me sometimes. And the way you'll do anything to protect me." He was almost pleading now; I could see tears start to form in his eyes. It killed me to see him this way, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. 

"No, I don't. Just shut up, Sam. Shut up." I begged. 

"Hale." He reached up towards my face and stroked my cheek. "Please just say you love me too." 

"I can't, Sammy. I-I just can't." I started to cry. I couldn't make sense of my feelings. And even though I knew I might possibly love him, I couldn't say it. And I couldn't ever act on it. 

"Sh." He said gently as he wiped away the tears sliding down my face. "Just-just kiss me once, Hale. Just for good luck tomorrow. I'm scared. Tomorrow might be my last day alive." 

"Don't say stuff like that, Sam." I said with a glare. My sadness momentarily forgotten. "I won't let anything happen to you." 

Sam didn't say anything, he just moved his face closer to mine with his bright blue eyes closed. I could see that his lips were slightly puckered like he was expecting a kiss. I thought about it for a bit, what harm could one kiss do? If it would make Sam happy I'd do it. I'd kiss him once and go to bed. I leaned forward and placed my lips on his. They were incredibly soft, I had never kissed anyone before that, but I didn't think it would feel so nice. I put one hand on the small of his back and pulled him closer to my body and ran my other hand through is blonde hair. Sam let out an involuntary moan when our bodies touched.  

The kiss lasted a lot longer than I had intended it to. There was also a lot more touching each other than I had intended. Eventually I pulled away and abruptly said goodnight to Sam. He smiled at me. "Goodnight, Hale. I love you." He turned around so his back was facing me. Without thinking I pulled him back towards me and slung an arm around his waist. He gave a quiet, content sigh.  

After a couple of minutes I whispered, "I think I love you too, Sam." He didn't hear me, he was already asleep.