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KIRISHIMA, ENOUGH
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There is something beautiful about how he forces the dye to engrave itself into its roots. You want to tell him that the law of hair colors are not like that and that dyes eventually fade away and do not remain permanent but he insists with a smile, that beautiful smile, that he is simply excited. He scrubs the dye against his scalp, jumping from one foot to another.
You tighten your lips together. The words are stuck in the bottom of your throat. That, you want to say, is not enough for you to be noticed—but you contain all the negativity of his actions together and push it away. If there is something that you are utterly good at, it is ignoring things until they are gone. Your lips stretch to a smile and Kirishima will never notice how fake it is or how forced the stitches of your mouth makes the wrinkles of your eyes look.
"You're going to look so cool, Ei-chan," you chirp.
Kirishima Eijirou is a striking heat in summer. You complain about his presence, how it is too hot and your sweat is sticky on your skin. You keep on complaining and complaining and yet when winter comes with the cold, you reach out for him. It takes you years to stop complaining and more years to realize that Kirishima is something that you need. Like the sun. Like summer. Like the heat of the fire when your umbrella is not good enough. Never enough. (When can I be enough?)
He always—Kirishima always wants to be noticed.
Is he not satisified with just the two of you? You know the answer but you never voice it out loud. Kirishima is not like you who can be satisfied with just this. He needs to keep moving and roaming. You cannot stop him, you can never stop him. Stopping him means chaining him down and chaining him down means refusing him of what he loves and seeing Kirishima look at you with sad eyes makes you—
The change first happens when he befriends a boy in class.
Then he becomes boisterous.
Then he dyes his hair and then—
"Ei-chan, you're going to try for Yuuei?" There are layers of lies within your voice and you force your quirk to work. You force yourself to be perceived as someone different, as someone more than happy to hear what the boy someone loves has to say. You are not happy. Not happy because is Kirishima not satisfied?
Kirishima nods happily.
He speaks about heroes and about saving people. He talks about the world and how he wants to see it but you have already seen all of it. You see Kirishima. You see how he is sick of being just him, you see how he strives to be noticed and how he wants to be acknowledged. You see how he befriends everyone in class, how he dyes his hair, and how he trains more than he has ever did.
You see Kirishima unsatisfied.
Is this not enough for you?
Am I—Am I not enough for you?
Kirishima is always moving.
He is always always always always always always moving around please wait for me I love you I need to catch up to you because I—Kirishima is always moving.
He is never satisfied.
But you pour your everything to him. You give everything to him and he has taken away every bit of you that you can offer. What does he want more? What does he need? You already—he already—"Ei-chan, I love you," you do not confess, it is not a confession, instead it is a plea for mercy.
He freezes.
He says that he cannot stay.
You ask why and he answers the same old hero excuse.
And with a thrust of your quirk, your sobs fade as well as your reddened eyes and you accept it all accept it all even if it is so painful please stop.
