When I See You Again (gxg)

Escapism

drapetomania
(n.)  an overwhelming urge to run away.

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How many heartbreaks would have been prevented if we can just escape?

Hundreds? Thousands? Even more?

We cannot tell for certain but it would've been a lot.

And what if we can just forget? It doesn't have to be absolute. It doesn't even matter when or where.

A specific event, a traumatic experience, a memory with the person who caused us pain or even an embarrassing situation - anything would suffice.

But as much as I want to. As much as I force myself to. Life doesn't work that way.

We cannot choose to forget a moment, a feeling... a person.

We are not intended to live in such a lie. Such enterprise can only give rise to false hopes and fallacies that only our wildest dreams can perceive.

But have you ever dreamt of forgetting? Of escaping?

Well ... I have.

There are even times when I wish that I can just forget. Moments like this one makes me want to forget everything about her. From the way she talks , the way she walks, to the way her smile radiates wherever she goes .

If only I can just forget this feeling. If only I can just let go . Then maybe, just maybe... I could save myself this heartbreak and move on.

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It was cold. The sun was already up in the sky as streaks of light peeked through the towering trees.

I watched as several people take their morning runs along the sideways –some of them I recognized while some of them were complete strangers in my eyes.

The air was moist and it almost tasted sweet in my mouth.

It was nostalgic.

I’ve almost forgotten what it feels like in the park.

It was surreal- like a faraway memory embedded in my dreams.

But this time it was different, this time I was actually living in that dream.  This time she’s with me , sharing this reality.

“Here you go.” Lauren sat beside me and handed me my bottle. We were taking a break from our run when she volunteered to refill our containers.

“Thanks.” I gave her a smile as I opened the lid and downed its contents in seconds.

I heaved a sigh of relief afterwards.

“It didn’t even lasted a minute.” Lauren was amused. She was looking at me with a funny expression.

But she couldn’t blame me. I was thirsty.

“You’re still drenched in sweat.” She noticed.

But since I forgot to bring my towel I used my shirt instead. Lauren saw what I did and she made a face. It was funny. She was never a fan of my old habits.

“What?” I asked. She was still staring right at me and it’s making me feel anxious.

I’m covered in sweat and my hair is a mess. In fact I can feel it dripping down my neck. While she on the other hand didn’t even break a sweat. Well maybe she did but she still looks as pristine as ever.

“Here, let me help you.” She stood infront of me and  held my face in hers.

I looked at her but her eyes never met mine as she focused on wiping the sweat off my face.

She started on my forehead then slowly trailed down my neck. I was afraid that she’ll notice the blush on my cheeks as her skin made contanct with mine.

It was warm against my freezing ones, it was comforting, familiar yet uncertain.

Her eyes finally made their way on my own and she caught me looking.

I didn’t care. I held her gaze and she held mine.

The place was eerily quiet that I nearly forgot where we were.

For a moment, the only thing that mattered to me was her.

For a moment, I convinced myself that this is what we’re supposed to be.

For a moment, I assured myself that she’s still mine and I am hers.

But as soon as she stopped looking, as soon as her gaze and warmth was turned away, I realized that she was never really mine to begin with.

That she was someone I could never really have.

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Hello, I’m sorry that this update took so long. It was never my intention to keep you waiting.  You’re  absolutely free to hate me. I’ll understand.  It’s just that life was rough with me for the past few months and that my schedule’s been pretty hectic (with college entrance exams going on). But alas my schedule’s been good to me this time. I’ll probably be able to update constantly now.

Thank you so much for sticking with me and understanding my predicament. Especially to redsavagequeen who constantly commented and waited for months (Knowing that someone still cared meant so much to me). I love you guys and thank you again.

This is a very short update but it's a start.