Chapter 36

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Hey guys, so I've been blessed with this platform so I'm gonna use it real quick to talk about some serious shit.

Bullying isn't okay, and whether it's to someone you know, or someone you don't know, it's still not okay. To all of you writers out there, no matter how many views your books have, or how many followers you have, not everyone is going to be kind to what you write/say. But I urge you to stop listening to what other people have to say. It doesn't matter how many views your books get, or how many followers you have. The only thing that matters, is that you're passionate about what you write. Have faith in your abilities.

I get a lot of hate on my books, and it's because sometimes I say things that others aren't okay with. I say stupid, ignorant things in my books. I'm still young, and I'm not educated about a lot of things, especially things that are considered offensive. And that's the ignorance that's inside of me, I don't know a lot about certain things, so I make jokes about it, and that is something I will learn to grow from.

To those of you offended by certain terminology that I use. You're correct to be offended, and I am working diligently to go through my book and remove the offensive language. Have patience, and know that I am a different person now that I was when I wrote this book.

I hope that you can all empathize with me and accept my sincerely apologies and regrets.

Thank you!

***

It was currently 11:30pm and I was sitting on the bed, holding a gun. I gripped the metal in my hands, balancing the weight on my fingertips.

Sinister should be home by now.

I had forced all of my guards as far away from my bedroom as possible. I didn't like having them attatched to me. It pissed me off.

It's been two weeks since I had seen Sinister. I wasn't mad at him, I knew he was going through hell and back. I knew he had lost so much more than I had. But I needed him, and honestly, he needed me. That was something I had to make him understand.

We needed each other now more than ever.

I heard the sound of a car pulling up the driveway, and I sat still on the bed, shoving my pistol under the covers.

I heard the sound of the front door opening and closing.

We need each other.

I heard his heavy steps make their way down the long hall way, and suddenly the door flew open.

Sinister stood there, wearing his usual perfectly crisp black suit. The outline of two pistols was clearly visible in the lining of his suit jacket. His dark tattoos were visible along his neckline, and around his hands. A glittering gold watch dazzled in the dark lighting of the bedroom. But his icy blue eyes were dim, dark shadows clung to the bottom of his eyes. His lip formed into a thin line, his face was perfectly unmoving.

"Hi." He said weakly, his lips tilting ever so slightly into a sad smile.

He crossed the room in three long strides, and embraced me in a hug. He smelled like cologne, his arms were tight around my waist as he hugged me.

"It's okay to be sad." I said softly, wrapping my arms around his strong, lean torso.

He buried his face into my shoulder, exhaling shakily.

"It's not okay for a man like me, to be this emotional. I have a job to do, and being sad...well, that's not something I'm exactly able to do right now."

He pulled away from me slowly, sitting next to me on the edge of the bed.

"I have a job to do, with men that need me as a leader. It's not okay for me to be sad. I cannot, and will not become emotionally compromised." He repeated, playing with the edge of the covers.

I stared at him, "You left me for two weeks, I'm not mad because it's not my place to be mad. You've been through so much and it's not fair for me to be upset. But, next time you decide to leave the country for a couple weeks, please tell me about it."

He glanced up at me guiltily, and shrugged. His eyes refusing to make contact with mine.

"I get it, you're upset. And that's fine. But don't you ever forget that I am here. I can't promise to fix all of your problems, but I can promise you that you won't face them alone. I love you, Sinister. That means I'm not just here for the pretty parts. I'm here no matter what." My voice was low as I watched him, silently pleading with him to look at me.

He nodded slowly, holding my hand in his.

His iced eyes glossed over with tears, but he didn't cry. He kept his eyes glued to the bed covers, his hands shaking. He leaned his entire body onto his arms, his body shaking as he struggled to hold himself up.

"Sinister..." I said softly, my voice was soft and barley audible, as I watched the love of my life tremble, drowning completley in his own sadness.

He glanced up at me, his icy blue eyes were stained red with tears.

"I can't cry." He whispered, his voice breaking.

I felt tears weld in my eyes, and I held out my arms to him, watching as he crumpled into my lap, his head pressed into my hoodie, his arms wrapped around me tightly.

"It's okay baby...cry." I whispered, resting my chin on his ink black hair.

Sinister had lost so much. More than I did, so I held back the tears that begged to flow out of me. People always think that it's the mans job to be strong, it's the mans job to hug their girl, and bring them tissues.

I couldn't cry. I needed to be strong, for him.

"I want him back. I want to hear his laugh one more time. I want to smoke weed and drink with him, just one more time. I want to hear him pick up the phone and cuss me out, I want to see him get married, and be happy. Just once. I want to laugh, and drive recklessly with him, just one more fucking time. Just one last time." Sinister whispered through silent sobs.

I ran my fingers through his hair, "You're never going to forget him. He's here, and he'll always be here."

I guess that's the truly beautiful thing about death. It happens to everyone, and it can happen at any time. It doesn't matter how good of a person you are, or how young you are...you gotta hold your loved ones close to you.

"Never leave me, Calla." He whispered, interlocking our fingers. Our wedding rings glittered in the dim light of the room.

"Never." I whispered, pressing my lips to his forehead.

***

Aleksei got into cOlLeGe ;)

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