Surrounded by Bad Boys

Speaking Up

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"You lost me the second you closed that car door." I whispered harshly. I used all the force I could muster and pushed him away not caring if he was hurt or not. Pain covered his whole face and I knew it wasn't physical pain. It was mental. He was in pain and I don't care. I want him to feel all the hurt I felt in my heart those years ago. I want him to know what it felt like to be unloved.

I spun on my heels and walked to the door I was prepared to walk out but stopped not bothering to turn and look at him. "You need to leave now." I spoke over my shoulder and kept walking.

I wasn't sure where everyone was so I climbed up the stairs and went down the hall to my room. I stopped at the door when I saw Eric sitting on my bed head hanging down and fingers intertwined. His legs were spread and his right leg shook viciously. He was anxious.

"What are you doing here?" My voice still cold. His head snapped up at the sound and he immediately stood.

"Jamie. I have to talk to you." Eric spoke softly. He was trying to be gentle so he wouldn't pull the wrong string. I stood with my hands clenched at my side. I closed my eyes taking in the darkness. He wants to apologize. Apologize for thinking I'm broken? For thinking something is wrong with me?

"Jamie. Please." I opened my eyes and walked closer to him. My own brother...the only guy I knew who truly loved me has hurt me. He was just being honest...The truth hurts...I of all people should know this.

"Whatever you planned in your mind to say...don't. Don't be sorry. You're right, I'm broken. My life was ruined after him. It's still ruined. You don't have to say anything I don't already know. I really don't want to talk about it...I know I was stupid for falling in love with him...but trust me I will never do that again. I just want to sleep now Eric so please, go." I looked at him with blank eyes, his eyes the exact opposite. They were stunned, sad, ashamed...the list goes on. He took a step to go after realizing I had no reason to speak to him anymore but stopped.

"Jamie...I love you, okay? Everything I say or do is because I care about you. If I ever lost you how I did two years ago-even a year ago...I don't know how I would live. I can't lose you Jamie. You're my sister and I will always protect you. I can't have you shut me out again, not again. Get some sleep." He kissed my forehead and walked out the room. I let out a shaky breath and ran my hands through my hair.

After taking a steaming shower and dressing in simple clothing I pulled back my covers and climbed into bed. All of today's events rushed through my head. This is a mess. My life is a mess. Suddenly Damon came to mind. I pushed him away because he knew something I didn't want him to...but now everyone knows. I can't just randomly ask to be friends again, not after pushing him away so hard. I debated with myself for what felt like hours. I need all the forgiveness I can get...I picked up my phone and opened up his contact. A text wouldn't help right now...he could easily ignore. I need to hear his voice. Hear his reaction. I clicked the call button and pressed the phone to my ear.

It wasn't too late at night it was going on nine o'clock. After the third ring the line picked up and I held my breath. I heard his steady breathing but neither of us dared said a word.

"Damon...I need to talk to you. I know I'm the last person you want to talk to right now after I have ignored you but-I need to talk to you." I waited for him to say something back-anything­. I was about to say something else to get him to speak but his voice beat mine.