Can't I Touch Your Heart?

Chapter 25 Our Friendship is Falling Apart

Ten years back the wheel, little Ember who had just turned four, sat on the ground. His clothes were covered with dust and his face was covered with bruises. His hair was just the same- A blonde mess. Rhea looked at him, her face was red with a sunburn and her cheeks seemed soft, "You having blue eyes!" Rhea spoke Hindi, which was the only language she could speak fluently by then. 

"My name is Arorhea Laghari. Who are you?" Arorhea asked in Hindi.
"What are you saying, I'm sorry, I-I can't understand you," Ember said.
"Oh! You speak Engrish!" She was excited to talk in the language she was still learning and had yet to master her fluency at it, "Her too can speak small Engrish" 

Ember laughed "Small Engrish?"
"Why you laugh? You like my Engrish?"
"You've got a weird accent," He got up and brushed his clothes.

"Accent?"
"I'm Ember Helberg" He introduced him courteously, with a gentle bow.
"Why blue eyes and yellow hair, Burbur?"
"Because genes, also, it's Ember,"

"You wear it?"
"No, not jeans, I mean genes. You know what, never mind. But Arorhea is quite a weird name for a guy,"
"Arorhea girl. Me girl, no boy"

"You mean you're a girl?"
"Yes, ex-exflatly!" She clapped her hands with excitement.
"I love your accent. It's very cute,"
"You cute too,"
"Why thank you," He smiled.

. . .

Ember walked into Loraine's room and knocked at his door. He opened the door and looked at Loraine, absorbed in playing a piano piece. He looked at Ember and stopped abruptly.
"Well, I suppose we have an audience?" He got up.
"Why did you say that to Rhea?" Ember walked towards him, "How is she a slapper?"

Loraine smirked, "How about you figure it out yourself?"
"I didn't come here to play riddles, Loraine," Ember said.
"I don't like that girl,"
"Why? What has she ever done to you?"

"Oh, I don't know, get too attached to my brother, I guess? She's the same girl who forgot you even after everything you did for her,"
"You know nothing about her, Loraine,"
"Well, then enlighten me. Tell me about her so that I can judge her better than I do,"

"She lost a childhood friend in a religious riot in front of her eyes when she was only five. They cut her to pieces in front of her- A five year child old, Loraine. I was there, I saw everything. But, I couldn't protect her,"
"My condolences," Loraine crossed his arms.

"Plus, even now, she can't do what she wishes to. Hers is a conservative family, her father won't let her paint even though loves painting. She can't even buy herself all the supplies she wishes to. I wish I could help her somehow,"

"Is that all?" Loraine asked and Ember nodded, "Alright so, I've analyzed everything and in conclusion, what you just said, was a total load of bullshit, mate,"
Ember looked at him, "What?"
"First of all, you saw a her die too, right? You must have been in certain trauma too, at least for a bit,"
"Sort of, yeah,"

"I don't see you victimizing yourself over that. And all those family hardships you mentioned, who doesn't have those? Not like we had a very happy childhood. Father still hates you for something you cannot control, and mother? She left us behind long back, you couldn't even attend her funeral. Meanwhile, this girl is crying about her father not letting her paint? What a load of crap, Ember. You ought to be smarter than this, come on. It's not hard to tell whose had it worse, is it?"

"It's not a competition, Loraine. She's just not that emotionally strong-"
"Doesn't mean she uses you as an emotional drainage. Why don't you understand! That girl does not love you. She never did, she's just using you and you're so desperate that you see it but you ignore it. Keep lying to yourself and in the end, you'll be the hurt one. Again,"

"She has never asked me for anything, Loraine,"
"Perhaps because you already give everything she needs,"
"What do I give her?"
"Your attention, your time, yourself," Loraine looked into his eyes, "You think you're helping her? You're not. You're just making her dependent on you,"

"Oh, what do I do then? I just wanted to be a nice friend,"
"At this point, you're not even friends," Loraine smirked, "It's like a parasitic relationship,"
"We are friends, what do you mean?"
"Really? How much does she ask about you? Do you ever talk about your feelings with her?"

Ember looked down,
"See? " Loraine shook his head, "You're too good for her, brother,"

"I get it. If this relationship ruins someone, that'll be me. You still haven't given any reason why it should bother you-"
"I'm your bloody brother, goddammit. You might not care about your family, but I do. And if you want me to apologise for being mean to her, I won't. Because unlike you, I'm not a hopeless romantic, I'm a realist and if someone is a horrible person I will treat them like a horrible person and make sure that they know truly loathsome they are. I don't mind being the bad guy, because unlike you, Mr Ember Cardilia Helberg, I have myself some self respect, I'm not a pushover and I certainly do not dwell in the past, dreaming of a love that will probably never come!

And if my words hurt her, then oh boy, how strange that I could not give a fuck less about it because that is life. If you let everyone else's words or opinions get to you and make you an emotional mess then life is gonna be pretty hard to you but hey, that's not my problem if she makes her life harder for herself now, is it? She can pretty much suck my ass, alright? Now, get the hell out of here, I got some pieces to practice,"

. . .

Arorhea placed her newly bought boards on the canvas stand and held the glass paintbrush before her. She imagined Ember's blue eyes, those eyes didn't seem to leave her mind. She dipped her paintbrush into a glass box of bright blue paint. But as soon as the white bristles turned blue, she remembered Loraine's words and forgot what she was going to paint,

'How could you forget a childhood friend you made so many memories with? Does anyone ever mean anything to you?'

Her hand seemed to lose its strength to hold the paintbrush anymore. The daylight spread across her face through the white curtains over her windows. She looked at the setting sun, it didn't look golden or anywhere near it. It was burning red, far away in a sky she didn't seem recognise. She shifted the light away for herself and saw shadows. Why did Ember wanted to meet her again after ten years? Does he want to tell her something?

'You emotionally destroyed my brother and I will always hate you for it. Always.'

Slowly, the light on her face faded away, it was dark outside. The curtains lay still, the paint on her brush dried. She kept her paintbrush aside and lay on her bed, while Ember lay on his bed.

"You're not even friends,"

How odd it is to be haunted by something
that is still alive.

-To be continued

Ember Helberg
Can't I Touch Your Heart?