Belief

3.1 (Part 3)

I stood up, pulling Luke up to join me. Together we walk down the hall cautiously.

Just his touch, the brush of his fingers as they intertwine smoothly with mine, is enough to rejuvenate my confidence, to calm the nerves pecking at me from the inside. Our interlocking hands were interlocking our strength. Together, we could get through whatever was lying ahead. When we are together, all of our opposing forces cancel out.

Stopping outside of Ashton’s door, Luke’s fingers slip out of mine, knocking against the battered wood.  

“Who is it?” Ashton sounds as if he was speaking into a pillow. His voice seemed distant.

“Maddie,” My voice comes out shaky.

“And, err, Luke,” Luke shuffles his feet nervously.

For a minute there was silence. I began to bite my nails, not sure why my nerves were acting up. I hear the squeak of a bedspring. The sound of slow footsteps neared us until the door was creaking open. Puffy eyed Ashton was staring back at me.

“Can we talk?” I ask, wanting so badly to engulf him in a hug. He just stares at me for a moment, but eventually nods, letting us step inside. Luke takes a seat in the black beanbag chair in the corner. Ashton’s back was to me, probably rubbing his eyes to remove any evidence of his shattered remnants. When he turns around, I can’t help but slide my arms around his chest, giving him a hug to glue back his pieces. To gather the remnants and piece him back together. For a moment he was stiff. For a moment I thought maybe he was too shattered to fix. Taking a deep breath, Ashton’s arms wrap around me. The both of us savoring the way it felt to feel all together. The way it felt to be whole.

He lets go, both of us sitting on the floor across from Luke. Ashton looks at Luke questioningly, not understanding, but neither of us offer an explanation just yet. One barrier at a time.

There were so many things I needed to say, so many things I wish I didn’t need to say. I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know how to show this broken boy that I could put his pieces back together. How to show this broken boy it wasn’t over yet.

“Why are you leaving me?” Ashton’s knees were hugging his chest, his eyes tracing the engraved lettering on his bracelets.

“Ash, you know that I would never leave you. You know that,” I place my hand on his knee, quietly telling him the story of the divorce, how I got no say in anything, and how my seemly perfect family was ready to break apart and move on. Except I didn’t need to move on. Everything I need is here. My family, all of whom are used to perfection and complete order were now placing me in a world of uncertainty and new beginnings. This couldn’t be the end of the story for me. I don’t need a new beginning.

After I finish my story Ashton’s eyes were glued to me, his face distraught, none of my words bringing him comfort. The reality of my story wasn’t comforting.

“You didn’t tell me about the divorce,” Ashton’s voice was soft, his eyes finding mine. “You were too busy trying to save me that you didn’t notice that maybe you were drowning too.”