Can't I Touch Your Heart?

Chapter 26 What is Worse?

The Neem trees stood aligned to each other, with a gentle warm breeze making their shadows dance under those yellow, dim lit street lights right above the trees. The breeze slowly grew into a storm, carrying dust and disaster with it. The window of a bright lit room was clashing on the wall due to the windstorm until two hands popped out from inside and shut it close. His green eyes looked out at the storm. They traced the walls until they were seen again as he opened the door.

Neel stood at his balcony and looked down. He was studying till late that night. But now, he wanted to witness the storm outside. It had always made him calm. To look at the sky crying down and the silence of Earth after it had rained, as if a young maiden, smitten in a lost love, who had gathered herself back. He stretched his arms in the air as he looked down at the road.

Ember stood beside a streetlight, looking at Rhea's balcony. Neel looked at his white features as he stood under the dim light. He might be a completely different person, but he wouldn't regret giving it a shot. Ember moved away from the streetlight and began to leave,

"Ember," He heard someone shout his name and he turned back. Neel stood behind him as the windstorm covered the park around with dust and dried leaves. Ember stood away from the streetlights, into the dark which made Neel unable to see his face clearly. Ember though could analyse Neel's face since he was standing under the streetlights, which began blinking, "You're Ember, aren't you?"
Ember stared at him for sometime, "Sorry?"

"I am Neel," Neel said and Ember's face lost its colour. 
"Oh, it's you..."
"Is that all you've got to say after such a long time?" Neel asked.
"No," Ember looked down, "You look different,"

"No shit I do. I grew up, like everyone else does," Neel said. Ember looked up into his amber green eyes. The windstorm grew louder as weak trees fell over and covered their hair with dust, until it began raining and the power went out. Now, the entire street was covered in darkness. They couldn't see each other's face. The thunderclouds covered the sky, and darkness covered their vision. The Earth seemed to be spinning as the sky fell apart while their eyes were still adjusting to the dark so they could see each other again.
"So, you're back, huh?" Neel asked.

"For a bit, yes," Ember smiled.
"I thought you'd never come back," 
"I came back to apologise,"
"Well, good luck with that," Neel rubbed the dust off of his eyes, "And, when will you leave?"

"When I can't be with you, I will go," Ember smiled.
"That's a vague answer,"
"That's all I can tell you,"

Ember took a few steps towards Neel till he could smell his scent. He stopped and looked down, "I'm sorry, Neel,"

"If you're done, then go away,"
"I can't," He smiled as he continued looking down, "Not yet at least,"
Neel looked at him while Ember just hid his gaze, "You know," Ember pressed his thumb between his fingers and shrugged his shoulders, "Life hasn't been that good these past few years,"

"Then , pretend it's good. You're good at pretending, aren't you?" Neel taunted.
"I'm trying. I'm trying really hard but I can't pretend it doesn't hurt when it does. I took one pill. From one, it went to four, and when I fell on the floor, I ate more. Nothing has changed, Neel. I still love her, I still love you. We are still friends,"

"Freinds? Love? You don't love us, Ember Helberg. Because if you did, you wouldn't leave when we needed you,"
"I was scared,"
"Of what?"
"Of getting too close to you," Ember looked into his eyes, "I was just a passerby. I shouldn't have touched anything I saw but...I was tempted. It felt like home. A home I never known,"

"It's so funny, Ember" Neel smirked, "How someone just decides to wake up one day, and disappear from your life. No reason. No explanation. No words said. Just a sudden disappearance. They just leave you hanging like you never meant shit to them and what hurts the most is how easy they make that look,"

"I am sorry..." Ember looked down, "That I hurt you. I apologise,"
"I don't want you to fucking apologise! I want the guilt to eat you alive! I want you to drown in your thoughts like I drowned in mine! Fuck you, Ember!" Neel yelled and calmed down just as fast, "Sorry, I shouldn't have lost my temper there. You're not worth it anymore,"

There was a comfortable silence, followed by footsteps. Footsteps that didn't hesitate to leave him behind.

. . .

"Neel! See what Alicia did!" Little Ember shouted while pointing at a frail looking girl. She had pale skin and green eyes, just like Neel, with short reddish brown hair, as if dipped in Henna. Ember's face and clothes was covered with mud.

"Why are you guys playing with mud? Are you kids?" Neel asked in Hindi. They were all dressed up in their kindergarten uniform.
"Take this!" Rhea shouted as she threw a mud ball towards Neel but missed it. She was dressed up in a cape and a superman mask, "Stay still so I can aim at you!"

"That is exactly what I don't want," Neel rolled his eyes. Such sass from such a young age, if it's not genetics, I don't know what is.
"Don't worry, Neel. I will protect you!" Ember yelled in English as he wrapped his arms around Neel.
"There you is, mud monster, Burbur!" Rhea shouted in English.

"Who made me the mud monster in the first place? I don't want to be the villain!" Ember shouted but she threw a mud cake at his face and he fell on the ground.
"Aw god, it went in my mouth. Yuck!"
"Now, Neel's turn!" Alicia shouted as she took another mud cake in her hand.

"Oh no no, spare me," Neel begged in Hindi.
"Yay!" Alicia threw the mud cake at Neel which landed on his shirt "My mom is going to beat me," He said in Hindi.

"Take this!" Rhea threw another mud cake.
"Now I'll show you!" Neel pushed Rhea inside the pool of mud.
"Oh no, Arorhea!" Alicia helped Rhea get up from the mud. She was totally covered in mud from head to toe.

"How was that?" Neel gave off an evil smile.
"You are amazing, Neel! So cool!" Ember, the American fanboy of Neel, shouted from a distance.
"What are you saying again?" Unfortunate for him, Neel didn't know English.

"Oh my God!" The teacher was taken aback as she looked at all of them, "What have you kids done to your uniform?! Your parents will be so mad!"
"That's what I said," Neel crossed his arms.

"Teacher, click a picture!" Rhea hugged her teacher.
"No! My saree! Oh God, you stay away! I'll click the picture!"
She took out a camera from her bag and held it before them as they stood in a horizontal line. Neel stood at the center while Ember wrapped his arms around Neel's neck as he stood on his right and smiled. Alicia held Neel's left hand and stood beside him, her other hand in Rhea's hand while Rhea stood in a corner making a peace sign with her left hand.

Now, after ten years, Ember held that old picture in his hands as he sat on his bed. 

"I know you still care about me,
But I know you don't care enough.
And I don't know which one is worse,"

-To be continued