It's September and I need a roommate. I couldn't live in the dorms anymore. I was fed up of being paired with idiots. I was done sharing my kitchen and my bathroom with an entire floor. When I signed the lease for my apartment, I did it with the guy...
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It's April and I've officially finished college.
I've been sending resume to a bunch of newspapers and I've applied for internship at a bunch of places, but I'm not getting any answers. The newspapers where I've interned while doing my degree don't need any more people and all the other places aren't interested in me apparently. Clearly, when someone writes the story of my life, it should be called; Eliah, the Fabulous Gay Dude Who Wanted but Wasn't Wanted.
Mom keeps saying that she can get me a job at her old newspaper but I don't want to use her. I want to do this on my own. She writes under her maiden name, so people can't guess that we're related and I actually like it that way. I'm super proud of who my mother is, but I would prefer if I was hired for my skills, not my genitor.
All my friends that graduated with me are finding jobs left and right and I tell them I'm super glad for them but internally I've thought of about a dozen ways of killing them and stealing their jobs. Well, technically, none of the newspapers they'll be working at and none of the places they need to move to to get them interest me, but still, their future is actually settled.
I get a temp job proof reading a stupid health and safety manual. It doesn't even require me to get out of my fuzzy slippers, I can do it at home. I also keep my student job of ticket seller at a museum so I'll make sure to be able to pay for my rent if I don't get anymore temp jobs after this contract.
But I don't like it. I think about going back to my high school reunion and when people ask me what do you do now I answer them; oh I sell tickets. At least I was lucky enough to never have to work at a restaurant. I hate to think about having a job where you need to take a shower after you're done. If even prostitutes don't shower between clients, I shouldn't need to clean grease off of me. Still, selling tickets feels like something so mundane, so un-fabulous and I was a shit all through high school saying they would all regret not blowing me in the locker room because I would become famous one day.
I thought I would be a big deal, and clearly I'm still not.
I know life just doesn't magically happen the way people want it to, but I always thought that things would work out in the end. I thought that getting out of college would mean things fall into place.
I'm actually contemplating going back to school. If I don't find a good job within the year, I'll apply for grad school. I'll be able to prolong the inevitable that way.
Holt doesn't say it, but I think he's a little worried that now that I'm done with school I'll move out and he won't have a roommate anymore. Here's the thing, I love my apartment and the only good thing I actually have going right now is knowing that Holt is waiting at home for me, sort of. He actually listened to me and changed majors a few months back, so he still has to stay in college for a little while.
When I tell him I don't plan on moving out any time soon, I can see the relief in his face, though he acts like it's no big deal and that I can move if I have to.
The truth is... I didn't apply to far away newspapers because... I don't want to have to move away from Holt.
I don't tell that to anyone though. I try not to even admit it to myself. But there it is.
