In This Love

Truth

Rhys

I didn't realise that words could make your heart go this fast, until tonight.

Tonight, despite of all the things that had happened, Avery was ready to give me a piece of her mind.

With my expression passive I granted her the permission she asked for.

"How am I supposed to begin?" She asked out loud. Without even thinking about anything else I sat on the bed, in front of her crossing my legs like a 13 year old who was about to listen to the secret of life.

Avery backed away even though there was a vast distance between us, what had her so worked up that made her feel this.....broken?

With her head resting on the headboard she looked at me, studied me.

"Do you ever wonder what is the image I have of you in my mind?" She asked me as if it was hurting her. Should I scream yes to her, that yes, I want to know what you think of me Avery.

"But I know you don't think of me that much to even care what goes on in my head about you, so let's just let this question slide" she said wrapping her arms around herself as it was helping her to keep herself together.

She took a sigh as she spoke the words she wanted me to know "You know that I was forced into this, I've told you before but you seem to think you are the only victim here. While you and I are both are the victims" a tear left her eyes, I fisted my hands trying to stop myself from going to her.

I know that. I wanted to say but there was an unspoken authority I gave Avery willingly. This was the darkness that was trapped by the goodness inside of me that I didn't even know existed. Entrapped.

"I don't want you to hate me and I don't want you to love me either. Don't hate me because you were forced into this, find some other reason to do so. Don't show me your care when the humane part of you tells you to do so. Rhys, remember that I'm just telling you all of this because I want myself to be clear to you. I don't want your pity - I don't need anyone's pity" she said with an ache clear in her voice. Avery Holt had come to me with a sanction and truce for an unspoken war I had started. Like a child begging for mercy.

How am I supposed to not to have a a change of heart after this?

"I let things go when you brought Nora here. Becuase that was your hate and an attempt to crush me. I don't know why I'm telling you all of this but it feels like you have to know. You are an amoral man who still shows that he cares with small actions. Mockery is your key to ease things for yourself, for your mind. Not even thinking once it would hurt someone. But then again it's your eyes that leave me confused. Confused, because I start to think that all of the negative things I have made up in my mind are nothing but my infatuation. I've seen pain in them, pain for me. You want to be selfless but that glorious selfishness you've let yourself fallen prey of for all these years. Turning into the man they call you "heartless, cold, tedium"" she paused and wiped her tears away.

It hurts her. What made me admire even more is her attention, her ability to see through people. I'd be lying if her words weren't a stab of reality to my cold heart. An honest woman. Who had bottled up these emotions ever since she had come to this house. Who tried to get things go back to nothingness.

She wasn't asking for love, she only asked for no more pain. Here I was thinking that things were neutral between us but in her eyes they weren't. Or maybe they were but something in her mind told her otherwise.

Was she saying all of this because of what happened tonight?Did she think of what would happen is she was gone? How people would react of her death?

How I would react?

Her words were like lava that were starting to have an affect on me. A change.

A heartclenching sob broke through her when she covered her face with trembling hands and this was the moment I gave in with my heart. Moving in a swift motion, I was by her side. Scooping her in my arms, I made her sit in my lap. Avery's hands that felt so fragile when they grabbed a fist full of the hoodie and rested her head on my chest, she spoke "I don't want to care, I vowed with myself not to. But here I am still caring" her voice quivered, I felt wetness on my chest I looked down at her. My arms tightened around her waist as she let out another sob.

"You've made up your mind that I hate you. Then why don't you want me to have a change of mind?" I asked because I needed to know why I couldn't.

"I know what is beyond that hate, and I don't want you feel that for me because I won't be able to stop myself from feeling it too" she composed herself a little and lifted her head to look at me "This is just the beginning of a havoc Rhys, let's save ourselves before it devours us"

Avery

Love. Love is what I'm afraid of. I know both of us weren't feeling it right now but it feels like it might happen.

These little actions he does are making me afraid. He felt pain for me just like he is right now.

I say that I'm afraid while I'm making no attempt to stop all of this.

We stayed like that for a couple of minutes, none of us saying a word to each other. His heartbeat that was extremely fast when gathered me in his arms, was now rhythmic.

I tipped my head upwards to look at him, it looked like he was just thinking.

"What do you want me to do?" He asked in a hoarse voice without looking at me.

I pulled away from his hold and just sat next to him. He allowed me to do so. What felt like everything was imperfectly perfect, staying in his arms like that now felt extremely wrong.

"I don't know" I said the truth, spoke my mind.

"Go back to normal?" He asked while tilting his head a little towards me.

I let out a humorless chuckle "Define normal, Rhysand" looking at the face I found myself attracted to.

"Just ignoring each other" he didn't ask a question, this was his finality like he had already made up his mind on something, something I'll never know.

He cleared his throat and got out of the bed and said "Your cane was found broken, a new one will be delivered this morning. You can sleep here tonight. I won't disturb you. The doctor said that you should sleep in order for the drug they gave you to completely wear off. I'll be sleeping in some other room. Goodnight" without hearing my reply he masked his face into an expressionless facade. With that he just marched out of the room.

I didn't know why I had done this.

Was this a mistake? I asked myself as I laid down on the bed pulling the duvet over me. I inhaled his scent from the hoodie, and my mind mocked me with my hypocrisy.

You said all of this to drive him away from yourself, yet here you are finding some closure. You hypocrite. A scorn from my mind.

Now I've declared a war with myself.