𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 ✰ jenzie

{seventeen}

I need you, I need you, I need you right now
Yeah, I need you right now
So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down
I think I'm losing my mind now
It's in my head, darling I hope
That you'll be here, when I need you the most
So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down
Don't let me down

- Chainsmokers, Daya, "Don't Let Me Down"

k e n z i e

"Monsters going live in 10, 9, 8," Jimmy announces, and the whole launch room chants with him in the count down. My heart skips ten beats, and I squeeze Johnny's hand tightly.

"5!"

"4!"

"3!"

"2!"

"1!"

I almost die of a heart attack, and faint, but Johnny's hug brings me back to reality, and he picks me up and puts me on his shoulders as everyone around me cheers.

Once he finally puts me down, Annie hugs me tightly and screams her congratulations. I hug her back, laughing, and thank her.

Things between us have been getting back to normal. Her and Hayden are dating now, and it's starting to hurt me less whenever I see them together. I'm healing, and as Johnny says, it takes time, but it's getting there.

[a/n: hehe someone count how many times kenz says "as johnny says"]

Jimmy sets up the computer so we can see the streams as people start listening to Monsters. The numbers rise faster than I expect, but I watch anxiously.

Someone throws a phone at my face, telling me to record a message to put on my story about my new song, and Jimmy says that he's already posted on my Instagram about it, too.

I quickly record a quick story and post it, and when I'm done, Annie brings me a drink to celebrate.

"Where'd Johnny go?" I ask, looking around.

Annie motion to outside. "Oh, he got a call. He's coming back."

I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I turn around to see Hayden standing there.

"Congrats, Kenzie!" He hugs me, and I return the hug awkwardly.

"Uh, thanks."

"I hope you get the recognition you deserve," he says, almost earnestly.

I nod slowly. "Yeah...thanks."

Behind him, Jimmy comes over, and holds up his phone for me something to see. "Top 50 in the US, baby!"

Annie screams and I give an excited squeal. "Already? It's only been like 15 minutes!"

"This one's a banger, I'm telling you!" Jimmy high-fives me, and I can't wipe the smile off my face.

"What did I tell you?" Johnny says, coming up behind me. "You put your heart into something, people are gonna be able to tell the difference."

I can't believe my ears. Maybe this is the return I've needed. Maybe I'll get back to where I was before. Maybe, just maybe, this is the thing that will get me back to normal.

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"I can't believe that this isn't a dream right now." I lean back in the seat, gazing out of the car window. "I'm so happy right now."

Johnny reaches over from the drivers seat to squeeze my hand. "I'm so glad."

I turn on the car radio, and lo and behold, it's playing Monsters.

"Johnny!" I squeal, my mouth dropping open.

His face brightens, and he turns the music up, but he doesn't say anything.

"What's up with you?" I ask, confused, turning off the radio.

"Oh." Johnny's silent for a second, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. "Can we pull over and talk about something?"

I'm taken aback, but I nod quickly. "Sure."

He pulls over to the side of the road, and we get out. The sun is setting, and we're right by the beach, so we walk down to the beach. We take off our shoes and start walking before stopping to sit on the sand.

"So...what's bothering you?" I ask, looking at him in concern.

He runs his fingers through the sand, looking away.

"So...you know I got a call today."

I nod slowly. "Y-yes."

Johnny pauses for a second before going on. "Someone heard me singing...somehow. I think Hayden must have showed him some songs we've recorded together as fun. But...this guy wants me to fly to New York and sign a record deal."

"What?" My mouth drops open. "No way! That's so exciting!"

"I know..." he looks away again. "But that means I'm going to have to leave. For a while."

"So?"

"I'm gonna have to leave you." He emphasizes.

"O-h." I furrow my eyebrows. "That's...fine, I mean, I'm getting better. I haven't had an anxiety attack in a while."

"It's not just that..." he trails off. "I don't know if even should."

"Why wouldn't you?" I demand. "Because of me? Don't let me drag you down. I already drag everyone down."

"Kenzie..."

"Ok, fine, I used to drag everyone down." I roll my eyes slightly. "Please, just go. We'll still talk, and I'll call you if I ever need anything."

"Are you sure?" Johnny asks again, as if unsure.

"Absolutely. Go chase your dream." I grin and lean over to give him a hug. He hugs me back, and I lean my head on his shoulder. "You're gonna be the next Shawn Mendes."

He laughs. "I'm not sure about that, but I'll try."

We talk more, just watching the sun set. When it gets dark, we just sit and listen to the waves crashing on the beach. I wish life could always be like this.

Finally, we get up, hands linked, and go quietly back to the car.

"I'm going to miss you." I say, pausing outside the car door as he holds it open for me. [chivalry's not dead ladies and gentlemen. i've told you once, and i'm telling you again 😝 ok conteam anyone??] "You're the closest...or only real friend I have."

"I'll miss you too." Johnny looks at me for a long time, like he wants to say something. But he doesn't. Finally, he drops his arm from the door and pulls me in for a long hug. "Geez, I didn't think it would be this hard. Don't stop calling me and talking to me."

I bury my head in his chest. "I won't."

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STOP THIS IS TOO TRYHARD BYE