Weak | S.R

Allie

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

It's all I can repeat in my head as I make the four mile walk back to my apartment.

I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot for going to that diner with him, for agreeing to let him give me a ride... I'm a fucking idiot!

The rain stopped...sometime between when we got to his place and when I left.

When he asked to kiss me...I wanted him to, so badly. So, I let him. Maybe it was fueled by his loneliness and talk of his ex-girlfriend...and it somehow led to sex. He asked and I agreed to it. How was I supposed to tell him that I hadn't had sex before? I knew that if I did, he wouldn't want to have sex with me at all.

And the way he reacted when I confirmed it...the way he sighed and shook his head, just drove that point home. He wouldn't have done it at all if I'd told him.

He begged me to stay, following me to the door. He told me I didn't have to go, but...what would I do if I stayed? Sit there and stare at him?

I didn't have a choice but to wear his clothes...mine never got switched over to the dryer in between our talking, and...sort of sexual encounter. They would have been done by now if they had.

The sun is starting to rise as I finally get to the door of my apartment, unlocking it and stepping inside. Jocelyn is sound asleep on the couch, the TV screen reading, 'Are you still watching Friends?'. Obviously, she's not.

I sneak off into my room, closing and locking my door as quietly as I possibly can before kicking my shoes and the now-wet socks off. I pull off the hoodie before crawling into bed, ready to escape from the world and get some much needed sleep.

-

"Allie!" I hear a pounding on my door, accompanied by Jocelyn's eardrum-piercing yell.

"What!" I groan, letting out a sigh.

"When did you get home?" She yells through the door.

"I don't know! It was dark out, you were asleep. Friends was still playing," I lie through my teeth.

"Yeah I fell asleep while binging." She chuckles. "Well, you should have at least told me to go sleep in my room."

"You were comfortable," I roll my eyes.

"Alright, well, I'm going to work, so... I'll see ya around!"

"Bye!" I call to her, burying my head in the pillow and letting out a sigh.

I turn on my side, grabbing my purse off of the floor by my bed. I fish my phone out of it and check my notifications.

A missed call from Josh, and a few text messages from him and Jocelyn.

Josh: Where did you go?

Josh: Get home safe, let me know when you did.

I shoot him a quick text, saying that I got back late last night and that I'm okay.

Jocelyn: wya!

I plug my phone in, making sure my work alarm is still set to go off at noon, and go back to sleep.

-

The daily grind was set to continue on Monday, but...I flaked out of going to Criminology. I couldn't face him. I went to every other class, then work afterward. The same thing on Thursday, up until I decided to grab a snack from the cafeteria.

Dr. Reid stands at one of the coffee machines, brewing himself a cup. My heart stops when I see him. He grabs a muffin before heading to pay. That's when he sees me.