ORPHANS: NCT DREAM

41 | i love you

DONGHYUCK

i felt weak, after mark left me with blood on my face. i sighed, and fell on my knees. i cried silently, and placed my back head on the wall, chin up and closed my eyes.

mark was right, i broke her heart.

i shouldn't have been a jerk to her, i shouldn't have ignored her and went to yeri. i actually knew that she liked me.

and i admit it, i am such a complete, stupid, ugly and disrespectful idiot! i admit this, i generally liked being with yeri but i used her for something else too.

to see aeri suffer, and drown from jealousy.

because i wanted her to feel that experience, when i see her with mark. it's hurts, but i shouldn't have done that.

i loved aeri so damn much, since we were little i always adored her small, cute sparkling eyes. her soft small hands, and those tiny teeth she had. when we grew older, i adored her even more because i knew what "feelings" and the "butterflies inside my stomach" was. i knew they existed, which made me fall for her even harder.

she had that long, fresh silky hair i could touch for a whole day, her smile i could stare and go blind. her laugh that sounded like music to my ears, and her voice that was like melted gold spreading on the floor. beautiful, and majestic. mellifluous, that's the word.

what's even better, just her being her. her personality, her support, her talk, our conversations we had was the best and i miss them so much right now. i really do.

i was cruel and arrogant towards her, because if i didn't it would be obvious that i have feelings for her. but it was so stupid, i keep saying this, i am so stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! stupid lee donghyuck, how dare you do that. i regret so much, so so much.

i wanna apologize to her right now, i want to apologize and she doesn't have to accept it.

i miss her already.

i remember when we both would go out, and bath under the rain, splashing water, chasing each other and laugh our lungs out every time one of us slips. we would even drink the rain, which was weird yet cute.

i love hugging her, her soft skin and refreshing smell makes me float as if i was flying. hugging her, is like hugging the world because she means a lot to me. i want to protect her, and i want to see her only around my arms. i love it when she snuggles, and clings more closer to me, it's the best.

when we sleep, i actually thought that she would feel weird when we cuddle each other like we did when we were little. because since we were grown up, things changed and she would sometimes rather sleep alone down the floor. she does it a week in a month.

did she had an explanation, because it made me upset, no she didn't, she actually did but she never told me.

yes, i like cuddling and sleeping with her. what's even better, and best is waking up and she is the first thing i see. it's such a day to start with, such a majestic morning.

lastly, yes lastly that nickname hyuck.

that nickname i kept telling her over, and over to stop calling me that. i told her it was stupid, ugly and childish to call me that. it was such a pathetic nickname, and i even screamed at her saying to stop calling me that word.

it made her upset, and frown. once again, i regret it.

i totally love that nickname, as in totally. you have no idea how much i smile so widely inside when i hear her say that. it makes me want to explode out of happiness, and i just wanted to run to her, squeeze her cheeks with my palms and place small kisses on her face.

every time i hear her say that, it makes me secretly smile. it makes me feel unique for her, because she made a nickname for me. she made it herself, and it touched my heart so much, and i felt like i was about to melt down like ice cream.

i wish i could have said to her, that she could call me hyuck whenever she wants, even in front of my friends, yeri, the boys, her parents, my parents, her family, my family and everyone. i wished that time she called me hyuck, i could have just showed her a single small smile that will make her day. but i couldn't.

i again, regret it.

that time when yeri called me hyuck, it lingered up my spine and i felt nothing but "weird" feelings. i never heard another person say hyuck to me, i heard only aeri.

so now, right now i want her to call me hyuck. it's only her who is aloud to say that, because she created it. and if i hear someone else say hyuck, i will not hesitate to slap them with my shoes.

but i can't, she's not here anymore.

she's gone, she is literally gone.

i didn't even got a chance to say goodbye, and it's all my fault.

i wish i could have told her my confession.

moon aeri.

i adore you so much that i start to loose myself. i will never forgive myself. because after me being such a fool. you have no idea how much i love your smile, laugh, voice, eyes, face, personality, how much i love you. i wish i could have tell this to earlier, but i couldn't. i was so afraid, and scared that you might see me different. that you start acting different to me. and i am so sorry that i almost likely replaced you, and dragged yeri closer to me instead of than you. i wish i could turn back time, and treat you better, and chose that choice not to be a jerk to you. i wanna hug you, i wanna kiss you, i wanna love you and yes i am loving you now.

now i am not afraid anymore, i will bravely walk up to you, and tell you i love you when we see each other again.

aeri i miss you.

aeri i want you back.

aeri i am sorry.

aeri i will always love you, every single day even if i already have a wife. if you already have a man.

because you mean everything to me.

we've been together since we were little, since we were orphans.

this family.

me, you, mark, renjun, jeno, jaemin, chenle, and jisung knew each other since we all were little.

and since we were orphans.

we would always love you, and love each other in this family.

note: lol, who you want? DongAe or MAeri? me, markhyuck lolllol!1!!1