Ryden Oneshots

Attack of the Blue Flu or How Ryan Helped Brendon Save Christmas

Attack of the Blue Flu or How Ryan Helped Brendon Save Christmas

When Christmastime comes around, Brendon starts to dream of winter wonderlands and candy canes and what Santa’s workshop would look like. It happened every year since he was really little, almost like clockwork. Everyone had assumed it would go away when he grew older, but if anything, they became more vivid and detailed. Ryan would cite ‘too much Christmas candy ingestion’ as the reason for these dreams and Brendon’s pot-smoking habit for their intensity, but Brendon would just roll his eyes; he could never shake the feeling that these dreams meant something.

So, we can’t really blame Brendon for assuming that this is just one of those dreams again. How else do you explain finding Santa Claus, theSanta Claus, sitting casually in Brendon’s living room? He’d just been sleeping a while ago and gotten up for a midnight snack because of a strange craving for cookies. Brendon could just still be dreaming. Makes sense.

“Huh,” he says while staring at the fat bearded man making himself comfortable on his squishy leather couch, “this is a new one. So are you here to take me to the North Pole or what? Are you going to take me over an ocean? Are there seatbelts in your sleigh? Because it’d really freak me out if there weren’t.” He tiredly rubs his eyes and only vaguely wonders why he’s so tired if he’s dreaming.

“Brendon,” Santa says seriously, “this is not a dream. This is actually incredibly important.”

Now, that startles Brendon because, seriously, the real Santa Claus? That never happens.

“Uh, Santa?” he says uncertainly, his drowsiness quickly leaving him. “How can this be real?”

“Brendon, we don’t really have much time. Christmas is coming soon, and it’s about to get ruined by your friends.”

He is suddenly fully alert now. “What did Ryan do this time?” Brendon asks, because of all of his friends, Ryan is definitely the Grinchiest.

“It’s not Ryan,” Santa tells him, “though he’s not exactly helping.”

Santa walks over to Brendon’s fireplace, and Brendon follows him. With a clap of the hands, a fire springs up out of nowhere. “Let me show you what went on in Los Angeles earlier tonight,” he says as he takes a pouch out of one of his pockets. He pulls out a handful of what appear to be silver, red, and green sparkles, which he tosses in the fire. The flames erupt into a bright white haze that suddenly clears to reveal a scene at the hearth.

Brendon steps closer, and he sees a very unhappy Pete Wentz in the smoke. “Pete? What did he do?”

Santa sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. “His band’s album got leaked onto the internet, and he found out this morning.” As he explains it, the scenes play out in the haze. “He threw a holiday ‘party’ and invited some of his closest friends to cheer himself up, but he ended up lashing out in front of them.” 

Brendon sees Pete drunkenly kicking a chair in front of some of the industry’s biggest names. Among the guests are the usual people like Travis (with Katy on his arm, of course), Disashi, Bill, Gabe, Greta, and Alex D, but also, Brendon sees Lil Wayne by the bar, Snoop sort of in the back, Jay Z (and is that Beyonce behind him?), Pharrell, and jeez, is that Kanye? And... And is that Miley Cyrus in a hat hiding in the back? Huh, probably because she's underage. Brendon is always surprised when he realizes who Pete's "friends" are. Everyone in the room is watching Pete have his tantrum, and Perez Hilton in a booth at the club seems to be tapping away at his phone with a gleeful look in his eye. Brendon can see the blog post now.

Brendon scans the scene, and finally, his eyes land on his band mate, who seems to be unaffectedly occupied with whatever he's doing on his Sidekick while everyone else in the room is watching the scene Pete’s making. Of course, Brendon thinks with a roll of his eyes.