It's September and I need a roommate. I couldn't live in the dorms anymore. I was fed up of being paired with idiots. I was done sharing my kitchen and my bathroom with an entire floor. When I signed the lease for my apartment, I did it with the guy...
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It's March and we get a noise complaints from our neighbors.
I know I should probably feel a bit of shame and maybe feel bad about it, but I don't,not one bit. Anytime Holt tells me to slow down because he's getting noisy because it's just too good for him, I never ever slow down. Asking Holt to be silent during sex is kinda like asking him to shed his freckles, impossible and anyway why the hell would I ever want to do that?
Now that we've stopped worrying about our own insecurities, there's no way in hell I'm not enjoying every second I have with Holt.
We watch my little gay sex instruction video. Holt laughs during the whole thing.
"You know what, I should have guess that even if you were showing me porn it wasn't even going to be erotic."
I'm laughing too. "As I mentioned, it's for learning purposes only, not to turn anyone on."
Holt kisses me with a smile. "You've got talent Boo."
Sex together is still kind of an uncharted territory. It's exciting and stressful at the same time and honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I keep asking Holt to tell me what he wants me to do. I don't want him to be ashamed, I want him comfortable enough to voice what it is he wants specifically. And that's just not in bed.
I'm also always taking notes of the way Holt touches me. The way someone touches you is usually the way they want to be touched. I don't get how heterosexual people can actually have mind blowing sex. They don't have the other person's parts. They don't really know how they work.
Sometimes I think about my previous relationship and how much it was lacking compared to this one. With Ben I felt wanted, but with Holt I feel cherished.
And there's just something so magical in having the other undone because of you.
But above everything else, the one thing I love the most is when I'll be lying on the couch or in my bed, doing something like watching TV or reading a book and Holt will just come and snuggle right into my arms, without even asking for permission and he'll hug me real tight against his body and I'll hear a little moan from the back of his throat while he settles in my arms. And that's it. He doesn't have to do anything else, that's really what I love the most. When he snuggles with me.
"So, you were a merman in one life and a house cat in another," I tell him once when he's done doing his little getting-comfortable-wiggle.
"A house cat?" he mumbles against my neck.
"Yep."
"Well, you were a boa constrictor."
"You have a problem with my excessive hugging?"
"Absolutely none."
I've caught myself crying a few times when I'm holding him tightly like that, his head tucked under my chin.
