Requiem for a Soldier (Requiem #1)

Chapter 43: Desperation

October 21

Ana

The next morning Ryan is still unconscious. To my dismay, his breathing sounds funny. His fever is raging and he looks like he's dying. I think I'm going to lose him.

For what seems like the thousandth time today, I kneel by the side of the bed, Ryan's hand clasped between mine. I bow my head over our hands and begin to whisper another one of Mama's favorite prayers. When tears roll down my cheeks and my throat begins to close up, I abandon that prayer for a silent one of my own.

God, please don't take Ryan away from me. Please, please, please. I need him. You already have Mama, and Julie, and Dad. Please don't take Ryan too. I can't live without him. Please, God, please heal him. Please.

By now I'm sobbing with my face pressed against the bedspread. Casper snuffles up to me and licks at my face, but I gently push him away. I look back up at the pale, scarred face on the pillow. 

I meant it when I said I couldn't live without Ryan. I don't know if I can survive the coming winter on my own. But it's more than just the fact that he's my only source of food, shelter, and protection. He's the only person in my life I have left. I need him. I can't lose someone else.

This realization causes me to do something a little bit crazy. On shaky legs, I stumble to the desk and pull out the map and compass Ryan tried to teach me how to use. He taught me once what to do in this exact situation, if something happened to him and I needed to get help. At the time, I never thought I'd need to do this. But here we are.

I glance out the window. Like yesterday, it's a field of white, except today I can see the sky and the trees. I don't want to think about how deep that snow is. 

I search for all the nearest towns Ryan had described to me. But most of these are too far without the ATV, which can't drive well in the snow. If he wakes up, I'm insisting he buys a snowmobile.When he wakes up.And I need a doctor. Most of these towns have a population of less than 50 people. So I need a place with an airstrip. 

The obvious first choice is the little town of Stevens Village. But as I examine the map, I realize there are no roads that will take me there. I'd have to go there on foot - over 25 miles, on rough terrain, in the snow. That's not an option. 

Fortunately for me, Ryan's cabin is only about 10 miles from the North Slope Haul Road. If I can get to it, I'll have an actual road to walk on. Better yet, Ryan told me that trucks drive it regularly, even in the winter. If I can flag a truck down, I can hitchhike to a place with an airstrip, I can call a doctor to fly in from Fairbanks, and then all I'd need to do is get transportation back to the cabin.

There's a forest in between me and the North Slope Haul Road, not to mention rivers to cross. Falling into a river is what got us into this mess in the first place. Also, the girl from Arizona has to trek through several miles of snowy forest. There's a chance that no one on the road will stop for me. Or that the person who does stop decides to kidnap and murder me. Or do worse. There's a chance that the airstrips are covered in snow and unusable. 

It's a plan fraught with holes and dangers, especially the hitchhiking with some random Alaskan ice road trucker. But it's the best plan I've got.  

After giving Ryan some water, broth, and medication that certainly hasn't seemed to help so far, I gather the rest of the supplies I'll need for the trip. I stuff my giant backpack with food, blankets, a first aid kit, a flashlight, with fresh batteries this time, and water. I gather up my winter gear and pile everything by the door. 

I look down to see Casper looking up at me, excited. He thinks he's coming with me. I lean down and hug him. 

"You be a good boy, Casper. Take care of Ryan for me, OK?"