CAN I GET A LITTLE MORE PLASTIC IN MY FISH PLEASE?

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Recently, an unnamed company sent me a replacement part for an electric razor I own. The part is a little bigger than an-old-school cigarette lighter. The plastic package that held it was about the size of Madison Square garden.

Okay, I'm exaggerating but I'm serious in saying that the package it came in was at least six times the size of the part.

This, unfortunately isn't an anomaly, it's the norm.

While a good portion of the word is attempting to rethink their consumption habits, the waste they produce, the space they take up, the cars they drive, their carbon output, and putting the planet's needs above their own, product manufacturers are rethinking how to make their packages larger and larger-using more and more plastic.

Not only are these packages absurdly and unnecessarily large, they are sealed tighter than the vault containing Donald J. Trump's tax returns.

I had to borrow a carpenter's "Sheetrock" knife the other day to open a plastic package hermetically sealing in a set of LED lights I bought. There was absolutely no way I could have opened that package without that heavy-duty knife.

As for the waste, unfortunately I don't have access to a plastic recycling facility, and it turns out a lot of those packages aren't even recyclable. So they wound up in the garbage, the garbage truck and then the local garbage dump, aka, a portion of land, on the island I live on, on the planet we all live on.

Those single-use items will be sitting on that piece of formerly beautiful land for the next 6,378 million years, approximately. Now to be fair to plastic, about fifty-percent of that waste will break down and down and down.

Eventually each succeeding generation of humans and animals who inhabit this planet will ingest more and more of that breakdown. When an American in the year 2119 gets his DNA tested it will read; fifty percent Southern Italian, twenty-five percent Russian, twenty-one percent French and four percent Coca-Cola plastic.

The stuff will alter our body's chemistry. Eventually all humans will be-part plastic. We'll no longer have to manufacture Barbie Dolls, parent's need only procreate and they'll give birth to their very own Barbie and Ken Dolls.

Fish will no longer be classified as either, "wild caught" or "farm raised," they'll be, "farm raised" or "plastic-infused."

The Empire State Building weighs 365,000 tons. The Roman Colosseum weighs 400,000 tons. The "pile" of plastics produced each year weights 300,000,000 tons. That's 300-Million!

Three hundred million tons of plastic is enough to totally cover every square inch of Maryland, Vermont and Delaware-each year!!

Soon we'll be able to pave over every state in the union: the United States of Plastic.

In conclusion, Dear package producers, on behalf of all life on the planet, please continue making your products larger and larger so that soon we'll be able to cover the land and fill the ocean.

Keep up the good work fellas and thanks a lot.

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