kaden the irresistible | re-uploading in process

08 - KADEN THE IRRESISTIBLE

anyway my mother attacked me and smashed my laptop so i couldn't post. i finally bought a new laptop so here you go.

"He was an underrated favorite of mine in that I often forgot how much his work soothed me." = Dylan forgets how much she enjoys his works which is why it's an underrated fave of hers, not that he's an underrated author in general lol. Don't be nitpicky pls.

08 - KADEN THE IRRESISTIBLE
(first draft, unedited, 2016-18)

Ella and I were always different, even as kids.

She was the classier one, smarter being three years older, and I, admittedly, was the dumb one. Where she was ambitious and a real go - getter, I was oblivious and reckless. It was fine, really, even as time furthered this dynamic, and my own inadequacy stood out even more.

The standard sibling jealousy never came, instead, I looked up to her, she was so put together and great at everything; all I wanted was to be like her. Especially after our dad died, I needed her—mom had doubled up on work, and I was barely gripping with my own grief.

So, when I entered ninth grade, and we were going to school together, and she started to hang out with me, it meant everything to the younger me. Initially, I assumed she was a super cool big sister because she took me to parties and gave me liquor where one would prevent their kid sibling from.

I learned differently when I spiraled; her reaction to my addictions —sex, drugs and partying—showed me the truth. There wasn't a time when she told me to stop, never an encounter where she forbade me from it. One minute, she was there with me, and the next, she was recommending psych wards to our mom. She took no responsibility, and worse, used our dad in her powerpoint in getting me locked away.

It was the similarity drawn between his erratic, bipolar-caused habits and mine that ultimately convinced my mom. One of her biggest fears was that I'd be like him, and when it turned out I was, she was devastated.

I used to think heartbreak happened only in romantic relationships, but the way she looked at me after that diagnosis shattered me completely,

Her face expressed in pure sadness and disappointment pictured in my mind, and my stomach dipped as it did that day. I fumbled with the food bowl I was scrubbing. I jumped at the jarring sound of a glass dish against metal, and Kit tilted his head up at me, while the other dogs that were up also glanced at me. Regardless of the fact that they were dogs, I muttered, "Sorry."

It was night, and like most diurnal animals (of which I was not), they'd fallen asleep. It was much needed, because I spent a good amount of time playing with them earlier.

Because of my long-term volunteering, the owner had no qualms about me spending all-nighters. Aware of my troubles and knowing my good intentions, she allowed me to distract myself from my problems with midnight animal care.

The work graciously occupied me until 11PM, where my worries came tumbling back, and I fell right back to square one. Thankfully, on a shelf above the dog food, a lost book of mine sat: The Complete Works of William Shakespeare.

He was an underrated favorite of mine in that I often forgot how much his work soothed me. Romeo and Juliet I found to be distasteful, but the Merchant of Venice, oh man, that was a piece of art.

I slid onto the shelter floor. There was a freshly cleaned, obnoxiously large dog bed padding the ground. Kit stretched himself across my lap, a hardback copy resting against his fur. Scene one of the third act was my bookmark, and I was quickly barrelling through it. It was the second that I looked forward to the most.