The King & the Stable Boy

BONUS: It's Been Six Years... (I Blame Myself)

William

I needed air. I felt suffocated by the throne more and more these days it seems. The threats to my life certainly don't help. Since the Duchess' death, they've quieted down, but the small raids on our seaports seem to have only grown in number. Or perhaps there's always been this many and I'm only just know finding this out.

Enzo has only served to become more and more temperamental as time has gone on. We hadn't died from mating sickness yet some days it felt like we had and this was our purgatory. I sent everyone out of the strategy room, my head in my hands. I had to keep it together. I could take a break once things settled down.

I grabbed the stack of letters from in front of me and leafed through them. One stuck out. I recognized the stationery, it was Noah's. I frowned. What could he have to say to me that couldn't be said in person?

I tore open the Manila envelope, my eyes scanning down the lines cautiously, and then I restarted the letter again, frantic this time, and then one last time to be sure of what my mind had deferred from his words.

Noah Matthews was my mate. He's been right under my nose the entire time, masking his scent, terrified for his life of our future. He was scared to come forward because he believed that in my being I only desired some maid as my life partner, and the death of the Duchess and her mistress convinced him there would be no future together. He took a ship out of Anicia, and was careful not to leave a trail. He didn't desire to be found. He had help fleeing this country, fleeing away from me.

I spent the next six years consumed in preventing an eminent war, reforming Anicia's laws, and consumed in my work. My mother read the letter, and did her best to console me, but I could tell she harbored blame for me. It was difficult to deal with. There was a constant look of sadness and judgement in her eyes that I couldn't seem to shake no matter how hard I tried.

I began to distance myself from her. I placed enough blame on myself, the last thing I needed was to feel it from her. Enzo's reduced his speaking to me to a few grunts here and there. A few years back we'd felt Noah, or some part of him die, perhaps it was his wolf, and Enzo made it very clear that it was entirely my fault. I knew it was.

I kept a journal, I'd heard a few of my friends call it the mad man's journal in passing. I didn't let there words sink in too deep. I had enough to deal with these days.

Eric and Timothy have been trying desperately to keep me afloat these past few years. They pull me out of my work when it's clear I need a break, they convince me to go out and have the occasional fun, they distract me from my general misery. It's no secret to the kingdom that I've hardened these past few years as a ruler.

Rebellions were quelled faster than they could organize. Problems the people had with the monarchy no longer fell on deaf ears if I could help it, and I've tried my best to make the general state of living better.

I had many titles. William the Noble. William the Great. William the Just, the Fair, the Lion hearted, the Judge, the Executioner, it depended on who you asked. Yet, I knew the one that would outlive me, the one that would matter to the future generations of this kingdom. William the Destitute.

I've heard the whispers. I'm compensating, I know that. I'm trying to give them what I cannot have. That is fine by me. Some great philosopher once said that there is loneliness in power, I'm simply a living testament to it.

I sat down with my mother for our monthly tea sessions. Monthly is a generous word. Typically something would come up when she scheduled them, this was the first time I'd been in attendance in a year. My right hand, Nolan, told me that she still had them anyway, hoping I'd come. I think he said this to guilt me.