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Review by Painite: Hell's Bane

Title: Hell's Bane

Author: Yelverton_TheGeek_

Reviewer: awesomeSTG

Summary/Blurb: 3.5/5

Your summary is actually pretty great! The fundamentals are down, introduction of characters, the plot and the stakes, and the suspense that you placed in it. But even so, I sensed that there was something missing. Something very significant in luring in the readers.

When I read your summary for the first time, I wasn't really focused on the mistakes and usage of words and all, but rather, I was like, "Let's see if this blurb can really hook my attention."

But to be honest, I got this 'classic medieval era fantasy world with a ragtag group of explorers caught up in a war,' impression, which—for me—was pretty much enough to make an avid fantasy reader turn back.

What's the special thing in your story that makes it different from everyone else's? In my opinion, Davis is already a unique character, and I found myself curious as to why he doesn't wield a weapon of his own. What makes Hugo special? What about Drea?

Is there a random event that you'd like to highlight, either a funny one or a tensioned one, just to make it enough to make the readers thinking, "I wonder what happened?" And then voilà! They're reading.

Description: 2.5/5

Is this story of yours the first book and only one, or from a series? By reading the first and second chapters, I became pretty much confused. Why? Because I found no explanation as to what is currently happening in the 'world' they're in.

In times like this—usually fantasy and world-building wise—there is the need to thoroughly—and painstakingly—explain what is going on with the society your characters are living in. Where are they? What time is this era set? What's the current status of their world, and what particular things have triggered such?

Other than that, everything's good with the way you described the scenery and showed, rather than telling. I just had to skip to the glossary to find out if there's some sort of explanation though.

Grammar: 3/5

Your grammar isn't bad and all, in case you're wondering what's with the score of three. I just noticed some things and phrases that needed some brushing up.

1. 'everyone already tired from a busy day...'

*There was something missing, and unfortunately, it was cutting off the smooth flow of your story. So I just had to include this here.

*Painite's Version:

'the people were already tired from the busy day filled with travail...'

(Yes, I noticed that it's pretty far from the original, haha.)

2. 'clearly also seeming uncomfortable with how they were positioned too.'

Firstly, the words 'also' and 'too' are almost the same, so I suggest you remove one of them, suggestively the latter. Or you can simply remove both and rephrase the entire sentence.