epilogue- part two

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shawn's pov

• age twenty one, three years after haylee's death •

i found it rather uncomfortable being chased down by paparazzis on my way to the cementary. i actually despised it. i was trying to have my small private time alone- and yet with haylee.

"stop chasing me, please. i just want to be alone for a while." i announced the paparazzis from my car's window, attempting a rude tone but my voice cracked as i was about to cry.

they left me alone.

the fact that haylee was actually buried in miami- her parents' petition- made it hard to come visit her grave.

it felt like an honor being here.

i sighed, finally getting out of my car- the only belonging i took was my red rose for her, knowing it is her favorite. well she really was fond of any rose in general, she did not mind which color.

i walked slowly to where they buried haylee. i sighed, and a sobbed expressing all my pain.

the tears welled up in my eyes, i bawled my eyes out.

i sat on the grass, right in front of her grave.

and i could feel her presence right there.

"i miss you, haylee." i cried so hard.

"i love you so much, too much for you to even know. i'm such an idiot. i...i...should've taken better care of you, of my beloved girlfriend. why did it have to be you? why wasn't it me?" sobs filled my words, instead of pauses.

"because you needed to be here. you needed to have the success. you needed to show everyone the talent you had. you simply needed to live, i didn't anymore. but trust me shawn, i was there from the beginning. and i'll be there till the end, hovering over you. i always believed in you, i will always do." i swear i heard an angel say with her voice.

it. was. angel hayls.

"i know you believed in me. and i believed in you too. in you to survive, to be with me forever. in you to marry me, mother my children. and i don't want anyone else. i only want you." i said, as if she was really there; listening to me.

"shawn i love you so much my dear badass boy." i felt like she was really talking to me, that she was really still here.

i knew i was imagining all this conversation, but i felt that was what she would really say.

like she was really sending all of this messages to me.

and somehow i knew she meant it.

"haylee i love you more than i ever loved anyone else in this world. i...will never be able to get over you." i say outloud, shouting into a void.

"shawn, you need to get over. you need to love someone else."

"i think i never will. i love you too much to ever demonstrate that love to anyone else."

"we were not meant for each other, shawn. maybe i just had to die to prove it to you."

"hayls, we were meant for each other. we still are."

"i love it when you call me hayls."

i imagined her beautiful smile at that moment.

"and i just love you."

"i love you too. keep your head up, please."

"i will. just promise, we'll reunite soon."

"i promise."

i layed the rose i had brought her on her grave.

that was enough crying for today.

"haylee, one last thing."

"yes, shawny bunny." i laughed.

"i love you so much sweetheart."

"i love you too, my darling."

it was the first time i left her grave smiling.

i left to my miami hotel, whilst being chased by the typical paparazzis. and then i remember. five years had passed since my sixteenth birthday. and i had never read the letter she wrote to me. she said i'd know when to read it, and i think now is the time.

so i went over, took the first flight to canada- nothing packed just suddenly an spontaneous trip. after hours of intrigue, i reached my house. i did not bother to say hi to my parents or aaliyah- but ran to my room. i started taking out all of the stuff in my old night stand, bringing back all my appreciated memories from before i moved to la. then i found it. and i started reading it.

' dear shawn,

if you're reading this you are reading it at the perfect moment and i appreciate you waiting for so long. i love you for obeying my instructions, haha that sounded a bit too weird.

but hi shawn. i love you so unbelievably much. and i know i always say this but it's so true. honestly, you're the reason i have seriously tried to stay strong or not forget any of my medications properly. you keep me going, and you're all i need.

and you gave me so much hope over this past couple of months. and it makes me happy that you devote so much of your time to me- when you should really spend a lot of your time recording. but that's the thing, you care. you care about your fans, friends, family and inclusive me. and i thank you, because you make every single on of us feel special somehow.

you make me happy. and i'm so proud of how far you have come in the span of months. i cannot wait to be there when you win your first grammy and concerts and madison square garden.

i'm always gonna be cheering for you and supporting you from wherever i am.

you need to know that my love for you will never fade, and you're someone I will never forget for the rest of my life.

shawn, thanks for keeping me here- for being my rock.

i love you so much- my darling,

hayls.'

i still loved her so much, and it hurt.

~~~~

i sobbed a little too much. & btw i have three more parts of this epilogue to publish so don't archive/ delete this yet

-nat

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