𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 ✰ jenzie

{twenty-one}

a/n: so so so sorry it's been so long :( go back & read the last chapter as a refresher if you need to

Don't wanna be swept away
Don't wanna be kept from you
And all of the love we made
Don't want it to fade from view
Don't wanna be swept away
You know my heart is true
I found a dream that's new
Never seen sky so blue
This is my big wave

- Lennon Stella, "Swept Away"

k e n z i e

I was wrong. Again. I miss Johnny terribly. I said I would be fine, it was a lie. He was the only one who kept me sane with all the stress going on.

Yesterday, Jimmy yelled at me because he didn't like the song idea I gave him. Today, my producer got mad at me for telling him I didn't like how the song sounded.

If Johnny were here, he could give me advice. But he's not.

Every time I start to draft him a text, I feel like I'm being needy, and it's time I start learning on my own. But it's not that easy.

"Are you okay?"

I look up, wiping my tears away hastily. Annie peeks in from the doorway, concern etched onto her face.

"Yeah." I take a deep breath. "I'm fine."

Coming in slowly to sits next to me on the floor beside my bed, she says, "What's up?"

"It's just...a lot going on right now." I shrug.

She nods. "I get that."

"I miss Johnny."

"We all been knew," Annie laughs, hugging me. "What can I do to help then?"

"I don't know." I shrug. "I need to get over him."

"You don't need to," Annie shrugs. "He'll be home soon."

I nod. "Hopefully..." Rolling my eyes and getting to my feet, I sigh. "I'm such a baby. It's not even that big of a deal."

Annie smiles. "It's okay to miss someone. It's okay to be a baby sometimes. Heck, it's okay to spend a day crying sometimes. No one expects you to be perfect. If they do, they're delusional."

j o h n n y

"Hey," I smile politely, extending my hand to shake the ginger's hair. "I'm Johnny."

"Nadia," she smiles back. [HAHA U THOUGHT ok but jk I'm gonna make her nice I promise] "Nice to meet you. Ever since Matt, my manager met up with you yesterday, he's been raving all about you."

"Nice," I say, feeling awkward with nothing else to say.

My manager rests his hand on my shoulder. "Nadia's been working on a lot of modeling and acting stuff, so a partnership of both of you will help both your careers."

"Of course." I nod slowly. "So, I mean, what is this gonna look like then? I'm already working on my EP and stuff."

"We figured maybe a photoshoot together, or maybe she could be in your music video?"

"Oh. Okay, that sounds fine."

"Well, we were thinking you guys could hang out more later to get to know each other more, and-"

"-I'm kinda...uh, trying to focus on this one song I want to record tomorrow." I grimace immediately, knowing how rude I sound. "So, maybe over the weekend? I'm sorry."

Nadia nods graciously. "No, I totally get it. I can get you my phone number, and we can work something out later. But take your time. Really."

"Thanks." I take a breath. "I really appreciate it."

+++

I need to focus on writing these songs. And they'll need to be perfect if I want to do well with them.

My co-writers, Dan and Gabe, sit across from me on the couch, working on some chords with a guitar and a synthesizer.

"What do you have so far?" Gabe asks me, opening up a notebook.

"Uh," I fiddle with the binding of my notebook. "Not much. I mean, I have some stuff, but really, it's not enough."

"Well, show us what you got so far."

"I don't even know what it should be about, though." I sigh. "I keep jumping all over the place with my writing."

"What are you aiming for?"

Running my fingers through my hair tiredly, I sigh. "I don't even know."

"Sure you do." Dan smiles. "What have you been thinking about lately."

"Uh," Come on, be vulnerable. It's the best way to develop a good song. "Well... I've been pretty stressed lately, I guess."

"A girl?" Gabe asks, a smile playing on his face.

My face turns red [*rosacea ;) haha og Jenzie shippers will remember], and they both laugh lightly.

"Tell us about her."

"Uh..." This isn't going very well. My face turns another shade of red.

Dan laughs encouragingly. "We won't tell a soul."

"I mean, where do I start? She's unlike anyone I've ever met. I've never been so comfortable with someone in my life. She means everything to me. I can tell her everything, and she tells me everything too."

The words start to tumble out of my mouth. "She deserves everything, but all she gets is a ton of crap. I wish she could just see what I see in her. I wish she knew how amazing she was. She's fricken gorgeous, and she's so humble and fun to be around. I'd do anything for her."

Dan and Gabe nod, prodding me to go on.

"We started with a really interesting relationship. But now it's something so much more. Man, I just...miss her."

I sigh, thinking about how she must be doing back home. "But who am I kidding? She probably just sees me as a friend."

Gabe nods, beginning writing in his notebook. "What's her name?"

"Mackenzie."

+++

I stumble into my pjamas back at the hotel at 1 am, completely exhausted.

Collapsing onto the bed, I lie back, feeling the heaviness of my eyelids and tiredness of my entire body.

Everything hurts. My throat, my legs...even my heart hurts.

I pick up my phone with the last energy I have and quickly look at my notifications.

kenz 🙈
i cried twice today...but it wasn't
because of my anxiety

kenz 🙈
i miss you

kenz 🙈
like i don't think you understand

kenz 🙈
come home soon :(

I sigh, silent tears stinging my eyes. I miss her like she doesn't understand.

I'll text her in the morning and tell her how I feel.

But I don't get to.

Not the next day, nor the next.

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