Filthy Little Secret - Draco x reader

11 - Hope is a tricky thing

"Hey Y/N!" Hermione calls out as she enters the courtyard. I greet her and she takes my hand, pulling me through the hallways. Herbology wasn't the greatest. Boring as usual, since it was just a theory lesson. That didn't really help me take my mind off of things. Or well, people. Or well... person.

She pulls me towards the bridge that leads to the forest. She stops about halfway and puts her bag down.

"Why did you want to meet up with me?" I ask and awkwardly fiddle with my fingers.

"What happened between you and Malfoy?" she asks and I look up shocked. I haven't told her. I wanted to many times, but she and her friends aren't really Draco's biggest fans, so I never did. Would Cho or Luna have told her?

"Don't even try to lie to me, Y/N. I know something happened", she says. I sigh.

"How do you know?" I ask as she softens her posture.

"It's quite obvious you like him. You look at him a lot, like a very suspicious amount. You went from calling him Malfoy to calling him Draco, which only his friends do. You frequently ask me "Have you seen Draco today?" out of nowhere. You constantly bicker in the hallways, but liking it and-"

"Okay, okay, I get it", I interrupt her.

"Well, I figured he likes you too since... well, he smiles nowadays. Malfoy never smiles. He smirks, but he wouldn't be caught dead smiling", she states.

Draco does smile. Not on a regular basis. But when you would pull away from a kiss, you'd always get a smile. And he has one of those good smiles. Those smiles that are created on his lips, but expressed with his eyes. When you can see little fireworks in them.

"Hello Y/N? Are you still with me?" Hermione shakes me out of my daydream. Dammit Malfoy.

I nod confused.

"I asked you what happened. When I saw you crying at the lake I thought something had happened and I wanted to ask you about it, but it was pretty clear in DADA class that Malfoy has something to do with it", she says and I frown.

"He looks like his whole family has died", she states.

"I'm here for you, okay? Just tell me what happened." Her eyes soften. She lays a hand on my upper arm and pulls me in for a hug.

I've never been a fan of hugs, but right now I feel like I just want to melt into her arms and never let go. Forget about that stupid Malfoy and my stupid naivety and everything else. A tear escapes my eyes and I let it go.

"I really liked him, Hermione", I mumble and I can't stop the other tears from falling. The disadvantage of occlumency is that you bottle everything up without knowing. And that at some point, you reach the end and you have to let go. You have to let out emotions one way or another. And I've never been one to express myself in anger. Leaving everything at Ilvermorny behind, the situation with my dad and then this.

"Liked? Past tense?" she asks me and I look away. Definitely present tense, but I couldn't bring myself to admit that. So I cry.

She lets me cry until I've calmed down and then she sits down and pulls me with her, not letting me go.

"It's okay Y/N, I'm here", she whispers. She doesn't even know me that well and yet, she takes me in and understands my needs like no one else does. It takes a bloody big heart to do that.

"I always had this weird bond with Draco. We'd constantly have fights and we'd sabotage each other and call each other names, but there was always this kind of tension. One that was not one of hate. Around mid October, that tension lead to us making out in a storage closet." I can't help but smile slightly at the memory of it. I see Hermione's eyes widen for just a moment.

"One thing led to another and it became a regular thing. Sneaking of to empty classrooms or finding little notes in my bag and secret winks in the hallway. I especially loved the nights that we'd meet up in the Astronomy Tower past curfew. Most of the time we just spend talking. He told me about his family and his feud with Harry. I told him about my dad and the half muggle life and such. He really is a lot different from what his exterior shows", I pause for a bit.

"And I started liking him, so incredibly much." Another tear slips along my cheek. "At some point I even thought I was falling in love with him", I whisper, just now realising how heavy that is.

"And I really thought he felt the same, or at least to some extent." Hermione takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. At least I know she isn't judging me.

"But he doesn't. During lunch today, he walked out and he looked troubled, so I followed him. I wanted to ask him out for a while now. I needed to know if he was serious or not. I did not want to get hurt", I wait for a while and let out a sob. Not even being close to controlling my emotions.

"I thought that that could maybe take his mind off of whatever he was worried about. I went up to him to talk to him. And he.... he-" I look up and blink away newly forming tears.

"He shouted at me. How I was stupid and naive and how he'd never, ever date me", I say and let everything go. Everything I felt for the past few hours, or months really. I feel like it's been way harder for me to switch schools than I thought it was. I just ignored that odd feeling and pushed forward, finding distractions in books and schedules. Maybe it's even the death of my mother that I haven't really processed. The curse of occlumency. There is so much bottled up. It needed a way out and it has found one.

"I'm so sorry Y/N, I shouldn't have forced you to talk about it", Hermione says and I can see tears running down her face as well. I shake my head.

"I needed that", I say. She hugs me again and I take a couple of deep breaths.

"The death of my mum almost two years ago that I never really processed, my dad who distances himself from me more and more, the change of schools, leaving everything behind. Now this. I think I was in desperate need of crying like a mad woman", I say and chuckle.

"I'm really sorry. You've had a rough two years then", she says.

"It's okay. I'll deal with it eventually. And as for Draco, if that is what he wants then so be it. I'm not going to waste a single tear on it anymore", I say and dry my cheeks. "He doesn't deserve that, and I don't either."

She smiles at me. "Maybe something is going on with him and did he release his anger on you. I know that he isn't benefiting from this situation either, you can see that", she says. "I don't know Draco that well, but I know that his family situation isn't the best either. Maybe it all has a reason", she says.

I don't know whether I'm glad to hear that. It's a bit of hope to hold onto, and I definitely want to, but I don't know if I should. It could only destroy me more in the end.

Hope is a tricky thing because having hope means that you don't know the outcome. It means that it can still go either way and leave you more shattered in the end then you would have without it.

"Whatever the case, don't let him bring you down. You're stronger than that. You're gonna come back from this even stronger than you were before. Because it wouldn't be worth it if you don't learn from it", she says. She really has a way of saying things. It makes everything sounds not that bad, but in a good way, kind of. Hope.

"We'll see whatever the future brings, but right now you have to focus on you, and yourself only. Because you are incredible Y/N, never forget that."

I'll never forget this. Hermione sure is an exceptional girl and I feel so lucky to be able to call her my friend.

I look up and hug her tightly. "Thank you", I whisper in her ear.