Roommates

Chapter 12

Cara's p.o.v.

Today has been one of the strangest and most embarrassing days of my life.
First I woke up at five in the morning to go to the gym. I never wake up that early unless I had to get ready for an early class or flight. Past Cara would be so disappointed. Present Cara is disappointed as well.

Secondly, I may or may not have some sort of feelings for my roommate. I still can't wrap my mind around it. I just want whatever I am feeling to go away because it is driving me crazy and I just don't know what to do with them. Do I like her as a friend or do I like her more than a friend? It's such a conundrum.  Also, she might not be gay and I don't know what I am because I thought that I didn't like people.

Thirdly, everyone has been invading my personal space.  I should have never gone to Victoria's Secret.  I normally do my shopping online, but I thought it would be a good idea to stay away from the apartment for another hour or so since I wasn't prepared to see Hannah yet. There was also a sale and I love their PINK brand sweatshirts. They were so soft and comfortable. It was a two birds one stone kind of moment that I regret.

 Victoria's Secret was a sensory overload for me. There were too many half-naked pictures of the models and half-naked mannequins. There were also too many smells from the perfume. A pushy Korean mom kept asking me to help her. The help was for me to get measured and it was not a pleasant situation for me. I still cringe when I think about it.  I did end up buying a bra because it was, as I learned today my correct size.  I also ended up buying some t-shirts for Hannah. I may have gone overboard and bought her t-shirts for every single day. I should have never gotten the bra because I gave it to Hannah by mistake. If that wasn't embarrassing enough, Hannah's sister saw it as well.

I wish I never agreed to stay and meet Hannah's sister. She was my worst nightmare. She was similar to Hannah, but everything about her was darker. Hannah was sweet and kinds like an angel while Amanda seemed to be wild and mischievous like a devil.  Amanda's hair was a darker shade of blonde and her eyes were the same shade of blue as Hannah, but there was something dangerous about her eyes. The way she stared at me reminded me of a lioness. 

I don't know if it was a family trait, but both sisters didn't seem to know what boundaries were. Hannah always apologized when she realized that she overstepped her bounds. Amanda, on the other hand, did not. It was as though she had no idea what personal space was.  It was such a shock when she slapped me on the butt. I lost complete thought at that moment. I just couldn't believe that someone would do that. She was unbelievable. Why did she call me Hannah's girlfriend?  Was it because we were living together? Maybe she meant that I was Hannah's friend. People are so confusing. You never know what they really mean. 

It was also a shock when she brought her son. I was not expecting a child.  I was terrified of children. From a distance they are adorable, but up close they scare me. I was already awkward with adults. Children were another story. They were like glass, because of how fragile they seemed to be. Children were not a fan of me as well. I tend to look scary since I had a resting bitch face. I couldn't help it. I was raised in a non-smiling household and it was uncomfortable for me to smile.  I thought I looked creepy when I smile. I also did not know how to communicate with children, but then I don't think I can communicate well with anyone.

I was very apprehensive when Hannah left me alone with Charlie. I did want to give her some sister bonding time with Amanda, but I didn't want to be alone with Charlie.  What if he cried? I can't deal with crying people.  I wouldn't know what to say or do. Charlie had the audacity to hug me and I was a little disgruntled when no one came to my rescue. If he wasn't a child, I would have shoved him away. 

It was very strange when he called me mommy. Did he not know who his mom was? I clearly did not look like I could be his mother. I felt some relief when he finally stopped hugging me and went toward the armchair.  He wrapped his arms around the chair and called it mommy while looking at me for confirmation.  Children were strange and exhausting little creatures.