Part Six. Chapter One. Alex

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Do I look fat in this?

Okay, so it wasn't the sort of question I'd ever thought I'd hear myself saying.. or thinking.  In my teen years, all the calories I consumed seemed to vanish as I just grew taller and taller, but I was never a huge eater.  Being surrounded by gluttons tended to put a person off, I could never keep up with their appetites.  Trying to do so would make me feel sick.  And then with the rejection and my loss of taste, my appetite became really small.  I had regained some weight while eating Eric's delicious meals, but although you could no longer count my ribs, I was still probably a bit too thin.

And now, as I was staring at the mirror over the sink in a pair of drawstring swim shorts that Eric had to hand, I couldn't help but ask myself this question.  That and should I wear the waist of the shorts across my swollen belly or below it?  Okay, so it wasn't like I was big enough of stomach for people to stare in awe or horror, it just looked like I had over eaten at lunch, but I was conscious of it.

I heard a guy come in hustling to the urinals, I was in the public toilets after all, so I pushed myself away from the sink and headed to the pool.  The water would hide my body anyway, no need to worry.  Yeah, who was worrying... it wasn't as if I was carrying triplets or anything.  Oh wait!  I was!

A part of me felt like I should be excited or something, like I should be anything but emotionally cut off right now, but then how was I supposed to feel?  Angry?  Yes I suppose I was pissed off that we didn't use protection, but I was equally to blame and the babies shared none of it.  Scared?  Of course I was petrified, so much so that I felt numb! I am a man and I was pregnant with triplets!  A woman would be scared and they have had the knowledge that females carry babies for most of their lives, so why should I not be?  Happy? Maybe, for Michael anyway.  I just...

I thought exercising might help me shut that side of my brain that couldn't help but think about it off for a while.  Help me ignore the facts just a bit longer.  In this fight or flight moment, I was paralysed, there was no where to run as I was already pregnant, but I was not yet ready to deal with it.  In the end, swimming did not really help though.

I headed back to Eric's office, having just thrown my clothes over my damp body.  Hopefully, he'd be able to take me home and we could maybe nestle in the living room with copious amounts of chocolate ice cream.  It was not a craving, it was comfort food.  Unfortunately he was on the phone to a client and things did not sound good.

"Frederick, I'm so sorry," he was saying.  "I have no idea why an arrears letter was sent to you.  You know I'd wipe your fees completely if you would let me."   There was a pause.  "Of course I'll look into it.  Hey, how about you let me clear the debt now?"  He laughed.  "You're a strange one, you know that?  How about a meal then?  Good when?  Tonight?"  He hesitated, but I nodded.  It sounded like the person on the other end of the phone was important, not the sort of person you wanted to let down.  "Tonight is good.  Sure, the usual place?  Okay, I'll see you soon."

He placed the receiver down.  "Alex, I am so sorry about this!" He said, sounding bad that he had to leave me tonight.  I huffed a little under by breath.  I was a big boy, I could look after myself for the evening.

"It's fine, it's fine," I said, then added a light joke to make him feel better; "it's not like I'll be all alone."  I patted my stomach.  It felt weird as there was no softness to the bulge.

"Boss," a tentative voice called out.  It was a young man, one of his new employees.  I think his name was Kyle, he was a lone wolf according to Eric.  So Eric had hired him to help with the accounts.  "Is everything alright?" 

"Yes, yes, just be careful in the future," Eric replied, dismissing the nervous man's mistake.  "V.I.P's are personally dealt with by me, so no more arrears letters." 

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