Play Me | ✓

Chapter 38

"Some days, I feel everything at once. Other days, I feel nothing at all. I don't know what's worse: drowning beneath the waves or dying from the thirst."
~ Unknown

...♛...

The tears just don't stop. I don't know how long it's been since I've been sitting on the floor with my back resting against the foot of my bed just sobbing.

I can't be pregnant. I just – this isn't supposed to happen. Fuck, why me? Out of all the people in the world, why me? Why did I have to be born in the White Dragon's family and why did I have to be the centre of their pain?

Curious to see the wreck I've become, I get on my feet and walk towards the vanity mirror. In front me stands a girl. Her bloodshot eyes swollen with tears. Her pony tail loose with strands of hair flying in all direction. Her hands on her side, they twist so that the scars on her wrists make themselves visible.

And all at once, I realize that the girl in front of me is non-other than myself. My fingers curl under the hem of my shirt lifting it over and off my head. With only my sports bra on, I bare my stomach yet it's not bare at all. There are scars everywhere.

And the sad part about all of this, is that these aren't even half the scars I've gotten my whole life. These are only the scars I've managed to get in the last six months.

"I hate you," I spit at myself through the mirror. "You're weak. You don't deserve to become a mother, you couldn't save yourself so how will you save your own child?"

Tears stream down my damp cheeks. My hand balls into a fist and I slam it against the mirror shattering it. Eyeing the shards on the vanity table, I pick one up holding it against the scars on my right wrist. My fingers bleed and for a moment, I watch the droplets build up on the ground.

"Summer?" I turn around startled by Kai's voice. As soon as he sees the shard in my hand, he rushes foreword ripping it out of my hold and engulfs me in hug.

Immediately, I push him off me.

"You do not get to do this, okay? You do not get to push me over the edge and then pull me back! You do not get to play me like that! It's your fault I'm like this again! I hate you Kai!"

"Summer," he tries to hold onto to my hand but I move back.

"No! Just leave Kai and let me be. Let me deal with the wreckage you've left," I sob.

"Summer, I'm so sorry," Kai speaks. I look at him astonished by the sudden apology and sincerity in his tone. "I never wanted any of this to happen. I'm so sorry for the way I've treated you and everything that's going on."

He takes advantage of my weakness and wraps his arms around my body.

"I'm so sorry."

Lost as to what to say or do, I remain quiet letting my sobs do the talking. His heart, beating in my ear, his cologne takes over my sense of smell, and his face takes over the darkness of my lids.

The more I think about it, the more my heart aches. Most people feel blessed when they hear that they're having a kid and here I am, trying to end both our lives.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I be happy?

Because you weren't born to be happy, Summer.

I rip away the feeling of happiness just so that no one else can. There was nothing left to risk anymore. Nothing anyone could use against me. There was nothing that could come in my way, yet there might be this human inside of me. If it's born, everything I've worked for will be gone. The only purpose in my life will be to look after it and make sure nothing like what I go through, happens to it. Will it be worth it? For the life of one, should I sacrifice what could help an infinite amount of people?