chapter ten

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"I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE you had dinner with his mom," Val says from the passenger's seat, ashing her smoke out the window

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"I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE you had dinner with his mom," Val says from the passenger's seat, ashing her smoke out the window. "We might as well hang the wedding bells now."

I hold in a sneeze as pollen-infused air leaks into the vehicle. "Shut up, Val. This is exactly why I didn't tell you sooner."

"Why? 'Cause you two love each other?" Val snickers and looks outside, at the still downtown street soaked in the afternoon sun. Spring has a nasty habit of stuffing me up, and it doesn't help that Mayor Gibbons likes to keep wild daisies all over town. Every patch of green is dotted with little faces of yellow and white. Once a month, Mom keeps Dee's shut on a Sunday, so for the first time in weeks I have a real day off. Val and I just got done shopping, but haven't picked our next destination so we're parked outside of Chester Park.

"So now it's not just he loves me," I say, cocking an eyebrow, "I love him, too?"

"Yep. It's all over your face."

"It is not. Because I don't."

"Did he show you his room?"

"Yes, Val, I saw his room."

"Ohmygod. You'd tell me if you banged him, right? I know he's never had a problem getting girls to sleep with him—but you'd at least tell me, right?"

I can't help but feel a bite at her words. I know Carson's slept with a lot of girls—it never bothered me, why would it? He can do whatever he wants. But ever since I went to that cottage with him last week, my thoughts of him have bloomed like a sunflower in July. Grown big, fat, obnoxious petals that won't leave my mind. God, the other day when we were working, I even spaced out so hard I missed Paul yelling at me to pick up an order. All because Carson's triceps were looking particularly nice.

But just because I've been thinking about him like that doesn't mean I'm going to act on it.

Val must notice I've gone quiet, because she says, "Hey, sorry. I was just joking around."

I smile tightly. "It's okay. I obviously didn't sleep with him."

Her eyes narrow as she takes a drag of her smoke and blows it out the window. "All jokes aside, do you actually like him? I'm getting some serious vibes from you right now."

Throat tight, I wring my thumb along my necklace.

"You do."

I drop my hands in defeat. "I don't know. Part of me does."

"You have to tell him! He's clearly in love with you, Jill."

"No, I can't. And you have to promise not to say anything. Even the jokes make it worse."

"Why? Is this because of Clarissa? I'm ninety-nine percent sure she doesn't want Blue back. They broke up, you don't owe her anything."

"That isn't the only reason." I pause. "All my life, I've been so against drugs because of my dad. And when he left, I vowed I'd never let someone like him close to me again. I used to think of Carson as another person I could never let in—but now when I see him, that's always an afterthought. Because first I'm thinking about how sweet he is, and how easy he is to talk to, and how he listens. And how good of a person I think he really is."

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