Ryden Oneshots

Cupid's Chokehold Is Stronger Than His Bow And Arrow

Cupid is walking aimlessly down the street in the middle of a gorgeous, sunny afternoon. All around him he sees beauty–the birds chirping with their mates, the wind flirting with the leaves of the trees, the people with their loved ones. It’s truly wonderful to take in what you’ve created, isn’t it? Cupid seems to think so.

Just last week, he helped a feuding couple settle their differences just by aiming his bow and shooting an arrow right through each of their hearts, and the rest is history.

‘Love’, Cupid thinks, ‘is a marvelous thing’. And he continues walking toward the park.

“Take a look at my girlfriend, ‘cause she’s the only one I got…” Cupid takes out his cell phone to answer it as he hears his ringtone sound.

“Hello,” he answers.

“Where are you?” The voice on the other line shouts and he visibly cringes. He knew he should have checked the caller ID.

“I’m, uh, at the park?” He forms his answer into a question.

“Listen, Cupe,” starts his boss, Mr. Wentz. “I don’t pay you to ‘take walks in the park’, now do I?” Cupid shakes his head and makes to answer, but Mr. Wentz cuts him off. “That’s right, I don’t. You know you have a duty to take care of, and all you are doing is ‘taking a stroll in the sun’. Is that what you think you’re job consists of?”

“Well, I…” he starts, but his boss interrupts him once again.

“Well it’s not. For your information, Cupid, you are supposed to take your damn arrow, aim at some poor dope’s head, and make them fall in love with the right person. Have you been doing your job?”

“See, I…”

“No, you haven’t,” yells Mr. Wentz. “Because last I heard, you shot a five year old kid and made him fall in love with his 30 year old babysitter!”

“He was…”

“I can’t believe you would do that, Cupid! How could you embarrass my company like that? You are supposed to be a professional, and what do you do? You make an extremely young kid fall in love with a way too old woman all because, ‘she was giving him broccoli’!”

“They were arguing! I’m sorry,” Cupid mumbles, hanging his head down in shame.

“Oh, you’re sorry, are you? I should fire your ass, Cupe!”

Cupid’s sure that Mr. Wentz is fuming at the mouth as they speak.

“Please, boss, I’ll make it up to you, I swear!” He’s pleading, and if his boss were in front of him, he’d get on his hands and knees to beg.

“You better, because if you don’t, I’ll have your wings hanging up high above my mantle,” and with that, Mr. Wentz hangs up the phone.

“Well,” Cupid mumbles out loud, “at least it could have been worse.” A small frown adorns his child-like face and he hangs his head low as he continues to walk through the park unnoticed.

‘I have to make it up to him. I have to prove myself worthy of carrying this bow and these arrows. I’m fucking Cupid for fuck’s sake! Who can do this job better than me? No one, no one can. I’m going to prove to Mr. Wentz that I am professional, that I do know what I’m doing, that I…’ his train of thought stops as he hears two people arguing.

“What do you mean ‘you didn’t know’?” A woman yells to a man standing nearby. Cupid instantly knows that this man his her husband.

“I already told you, woman, I didn’t know!” The man answers and they both are staring harshly at each other.