Mixed feelings

The Talking

Sirius Pov

I dragged Remus behind me. He was still sobbing and all I wanted was to hold him and tell him I loved him over and over until his brain could contain no information except for that one fact. I brought them to a small lake where he just collapsed onto the pebbles hugging his knees to him chest . It broke my heart seeing Remus this upset. I felt my own eyes welling up in my tears now, but I wiped them away, I had to be strong, for Remus.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked tentatively, unsure of what the answer would be. Remus raised his head and looked at me, straight at me. His face was red and so were his eyes, his tear stained cheeks looked like someone had poured an entire waterfall on them and his whole head was shaking with the force of his cries. But to me he was still so perfect.

"I don't know Siri." He said sadly, my heart jumped a little at the way he said my name I would love to be able to make him moan that, but I pushed those thoughts aside. Romantic daydreams were not appropriate now. I shuffled closer to him and lent on his shoulder. James was my best friend but Remus was more, I didn't know what we were, but we were closer than I could have been to anyone. And he was upset, so I was upset. And I was not going to start daydreaming about Remus and me being together because that was never going to happen. I felt more tears in my own eyes now. My feelings were almost shot as he muttered,

"Siri, have you ever liked someone so much that it physically hurts you to the point where your just begging for some to tell you where the exit is?"

Oh boy did I know that feeling. I nodded my head, trying not to blurt out all my feelings for him. He continued,

"I'm so in love with this person I'm dying. I want to tell them but I'm scared of rejection. And if I loose this person I i- d-don't t-t-think I could stay alive for much longer."

He had a wistful look on his face now. I felt my heart break a little more with each word his perfect mouth uttered. Who was this girl and why was she so much better than me? Oh who are you kidding, Remus would never like you. Not the way you like him. A voice in the back of my head said to me. I didn't even have the heart to correct the likes to loves. He kept talking,

"This person is my life. I think about them constantly, nothing keeps my mind off them. But there is no hope in hell they like me."

Another tear ran down his face at this point and my heart shattered.

"I know I'm eventually going to have tell them but there going to break my heart. And I don't want to loose them."

His voice broke then and more sobs echoed from him. I hated myself for not asking more but he needed me, and I needed him. More now than ever. So I tried to help.

"Whoever this girl is, she'd be mad not to love you moony."

Now my voice was the one breaking, but I held it in and bottled it up, sealing the wax on the jar of my feelings like I always do.

Remus pov

It was so kind of him to try and make me feel better but I knew the truth. This person would never return my feelings. No matter how much I tried.

"Siri who'd love me? I'm a scrawny boy with no measurable talent other than the fact I constantly read but I turn into a monster every month capable of killing all of-"

He had a finger pressed against my lips. Tears streamed down my face now. But my heart was beating very hard against my ribs. Like a caged bird. He was whispering to me now. But the whisper was loud enough for me to hear.

"You're not a monster. Remus I- I think anyone who doesn't love you has considerable brain problems."

I chuckled at this, not because of what he'd said because I know that's not true. Because he basically was saying that he had bad brain damage. And I needed to laugh. I turned to look at him as he looked at me. A adorable confused expression was on his face. It felt like the world had stopped, like the next movement was hanging on what we did next. I stared into his grey eyes. He was so close, I could kiss him. He hugged me tight and murmured

"See you later, and don't hurt your self, the girl will have even worse damage." A small smile was on his face now. I just sat there staring after him replaying the night over and over.

Sirius pov.

he was so close, I could have done it. I should have done it. I heard the inner voice again, yeah and screw up your entire friendship with him great plan pads. I kicked myself and shoved my hands in my pockets as I trudged back towards the castle.

Climbing into my bed I drifted into sleep. Thoughts of Remus swirling through my head.

He was so close.

the transformation began. I screamed as I looked through the windows.

He was alone

All alone.

"LET ME IN PLEASE PLEASE! PLEASE ME INSTEAD WHY HIM ?"

I sobbed, my face pressed against the window pane. Blood poured from him draining the life out of him as I banged on the firmly locked door tears pouring down my soaking cheeks.

"REMUS NO LET ME IN REMUS"

I stared at him, all hope in me lost.

He was gone.

I sat bolt upright to be faced with my four poster bed, with Remus' hands on my chest shaking me awake. The dream again. It was worse every time, I was helpless as he needed all the help I could give. I felt my face, the wetness of my tears still there I carried on crying into Remus' chest.

"What happened?"

"Just a dream don't worry yourself."

"Siri you can't fool me. Besides you were thrashing and screaming my name for about five minutes before I could wake you."

Damn. Remus and his perfect knowledge of my lies.

"You were in the shack. The door was bolted I couldn't get in. You changed." I was crying heavily again my this point. My breathing was ragged. "I tried to break the door down b-but y-you w-were dying and I couldn't help y-youu!"

I was wailing into him now the recollection of my dream was horrible. I sobbed uncontrolled into Remus' chest and it was several minutes before he spoke.

"Siri I'm fine. Im not dead. I'm here right now see? I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. Now get to bed. We have the ball tomorrow and I expect," there was a note of bitterness in his voice as he said, "there will be a lot of girls very keen to dance with you." He turned and flopped back into his own bed.

I waited until I heard his baby snores before muttering "well they can't have me." To myself. And rolling over, thinking about how Remus' hand had felt on my chest.

And then I fell back into a deep sleep. Tomorrow was a big day. When I awoke late in the night, I stood up to look at rem, he was sleeping. He was so adorable. I bent down to stare at him. I noticed the way his hair flopped over his amber eyes, I imagined them under his eye lids, it was like I could feel his gaze even though he wasn't there. It was such a sick obsession. I snorted at myself, that was a line from the song I was going to sing tomorrow. Little did the guys know that they would be joining me and girls on stage. I chuckled at their ignorance and rolled back into my dreams.

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AN: thank you for all the reads your amazhang ilysm❤️ please vote and comment would mean so much but I love you just for reading this note so thank you.

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