Part 10 - Awake

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My eyes flickered as I felt something unfamiliar on my face. Everything was in agony but I was cocooned still, with that strange sensation on the tip of my nose. It was... wind. Was it wind? It couldn't be. I tried to get my eyes to cooperate and open to survey my surroundings, but they were sore and reluctant. I heard a slight whistling, it was. It was wind. My mind felt more focused, more present and conscious. I'd almost forgotten what my internal voice sounded like. I thought I'd lost it.

I prized my eyes open and waited for the blurriness to settle. Leaves, and trees, and a night's sky. I was out. I tried not to move my head as I looked around as much as I could. My heart jumped in my throat. Men. Sleeping men, surrounding me. Where was Hackney? He would make sure no one touched me. Wait- had he died? I vaguely remembered an echo of gunshots. I prayed he was alive.

I suddenly realised that if the men were all asleep I could try to escape. My wrists were still bound together and I could feel the slight restraint of the wire around my neck, but my legs were free aside from this sleeping bag I was zipped into. The men looked... western, maybe. But they were all bearded, carrying guns and I was alone with them in the woods. If they were there to rescue me then why hide me away in the woods? I could tug at the zip from the inside of the bag, the motion inducing pain through my fingers, but it rolled down almost silently. The sting of cold air bit my bare skin. Would I survive long out here with no clothes, no food and no weapons? Probably not. Wait- weapons. The dark thought crept into my brain, spreading like a comforting velvety mist.

I considered myself a rational, logical thinker. But I couldn't think clearly with the surge of panic in my body. It didn't matter to me that the men I was surrounded by could be good guys. It didn't matter to me that they could be there to take me home. What would my life be like after all this, anyway?

I felt the sense of urgency as I watched the unshifting sleeping bags around me. This decision needed to be made quickly, but I could feel the exhaustion in my brain resisting against me. A tear trickled down my cheek as the idea grew on me. Did I really want a life after all this? I pictured myself on my knees in front of Hackney as he held a bottle of water above my head, slowly allowing one or two droplets to occasionally fall into my mouth. I had scrambled for them as I saw them fall, desperate. Then he had poured the rest of the contents on the floor. I lunged forward and licked the shit covered ground, mad with thirst and sobbed as I realised what I was doing. Kill me! I had begged. Please just kill me. But he didn't. And at the end that was all I wished for. An end was all I wanted; an end to the pain, an end to the humiliation, an end to the suffering both mental and physical. And for it simply to cease only meant the harder work of rebuilding a life began. I didn't want that. I wanted it all to stop.

I slithered my arms out of the unzipped flap, immediately biting my lip with the pain, and then mentally kicking myself because my lips were equally as battered. Could I sit up without making a noise? It was going to hurt, a lot. I steadied my breathing and bit down hard, teeth grinding against one another as I tried to heave myself upright. The pain took my breath away and knocked me sideways, but I knew it could all be over soon. I'd managed not to scream out loud, but I knew I couldn't just sit up and walk around.
Now I was awkwardly positioned on to my side, I could tip myself over and shuffle or crawl. A rifle lay on top of a huge backpack just in front of me. I didn't even know how to use a rifle, but I could try. I seized my muscles together and braced for the inevitable as I tried to silently move my body forward with my knees. I was now entirely out of the warm cocoon and entirely exposed to the elements, the gnawing wind biting at the open wounds on my back. I could reach my bound hands forward and let my fingers touch the cool metal of the gun. Without giving it another thought I shimmied it towards myself it awkwardly, struggling because of the weight of the thing and the wire in my broken wrists. I studied them now, they looked really nasty. It was as if my flesh had tried to suck the wire in, I could see bone in places.

I positioned the rifle with the muzzle touching my neck. I ignored the shaking in my arms, it was probably the cold. Was the safety on? Where was it? I held the body of the gun between my knees and felt my hands down to the trigger for some kind of switch. Rustling came from behind me so I moved my hands quicker, fumbling for a latch or anything that could be moved.

"Ant!" A roar came from behind. A man beside me shot up, saw me and lunged. As he hurtled towards me I forgot everything. Nothing existed. My arms went slack, the gun dropped to the ground as I was pushed to the rocky grass with a leg knocking my knees out and a tight hand wrapped in my hair. Terror swarmed me, I closed my eyes tightly as I felt his weight on me, bracing myself for the inevitable. Inky black swarmed my vision and I could hear screaming- Jas's screaming coming from beside me. Was someone attacking her too? I tried to curl up as much as possible but the huge man had my legs pinned down. Later, I told myself. You can die later. It will all be over, I promise.

                                         *

Ant had never moved so fast in his life. He lunged at Paige and wrestled the rifle away, automatically pushing her to the ground as he would do a threat. He was careful to be more gentle though so he grabbed her hair close to the scalp as he restrained her to stop her head from hitting the small rocks on the ground.
He was off her in seconds, resting on the grass beside her battered figure. He regained his breath for a moment. Everyone else had woken with a start, which was not a good way to wake Special Operations men. Each had grasped a weapon of some description, for most a pistol but others had slept with their rifles on their chests so they awoke locked and loaded.

Ant was pissed off. What the hell did the girl think she was doing? He watched her as she trembled on the ground.

"Alright, come on. Get up before you freeze to death," he stood and started to raise her by her shoulders. She responded obediently, trying to move to her knees ignoring the pain through her ribs. She allowed him to bring her totally up until she stood a head's length below him. Ant supported her with one arm linked under hers, and with his other hand he pointed her chin up so she looked directly at him. He forced her eyelids open wide with two fingers to check her pupils. She gave no resistance as she stood and shook silently whilst the mountain air whipped her bare skin.

Ant moved his arm out from under her to begin to sit her back down, but her weight completely  dropped and he half caught her. Paige gave a strangled yelp in pain and clutched her bound wrists to her side. Ant held her weight entirely and rested her back against a tree stump but she stifled back further cries, teeth gritted and pain etched on her face. As her body contorted to find a position to relieve the burning pressure inside she dropped forward on her forearms. Oh no. She knew what was coming. Paige choked as blood gurgled up. She had no choice as it splattered on the cold ground, and in exhaustion she felt her head collapse forward into the small pool of blood.

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