Say It

eight

wednesday | 9:32am

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"I'm glad to see that you're back, Nia." My therapist, Shonda, smiled at me.

   I gave her a weak smile back, and crossed my leg over the other one. I was a little nervous about doing therapy again. Facing your issues is hard, but I had to if I was going to live my best life.

"Yea, thought it was time to start back." I replied.

     Shonda was everything you needed in a therapist. She never sugarcoated anything with me and often times, she told me things I didn't want to hear.

She made me mad sometimes, but she was only doing her job.

    "So," She started. "Anything new? Where do you want to start?"

"Can we start over?" I asked.

   Shonda nodded her head. "Sure, you can go whenever you're ready."

I sighed, getting comfortable in my spot. "I'm still mad."

    "Mad at Shiloh? Travis?"

I looked at her. "Both, more-so Shiloh and I feel bad for being mad at him. It was never a sad grieving process. I had always been angry."

   Shonda tapped her chin as if she were thinking. "Why?"

"He knew that he could very well be killed by helping Travis. He didn't take into consideration of how it would affect the people who loved him. That was selfish." I explained.

    "How do you know?"

I shrugged. "I don't. But it doesn't change how I feel."

   Shonda nodded. "Touché, but I think you're the one being selfish."

I looked at her. "How? He's the one who left me." I said, raising my voice a little.

    She looked at me as if I'd proved her point. "Why are you painting this picture of him leaving? Like walking out of the door? He was murdered."

"You have your coping mechanisms and I have mine." I looked away from her.

   "Nia, one day you're going to have to accept the fact that he's dead. He was killed. He didn't leave you intentionally. His life was taken from him."

"Dr. Warren, I know that." I looked back at her.

   "Do you?" She lifted up her eyebrow. "Because you're speaking as if he walked out of your life."

I let out a breath. "He may as well have. Shiloh had always had one foot in the door and I feel like he walked out of it when he decided to help Travis."

    "You feel like he chose Travis over you."

I nodded. "Precisely. Not just me. His mom and his little sister, who is very brilliant by the way."

    "Do you still keep in touch with them?" She asked. "I remember the last time you were here, you said you kept in touch with them often."