Deranged (Lauren/You)

Chapter 18

I don't know how long Y/N and I had stood in each other's embrace, but eventually I had to pull 0away because I wanted the taller girl to eat. I helped Y/N sit back down on the stool and sat down next to her as she began to eat for the first time in the morning. So much seemed to happen but in reality, it was only ten o'clock. Y/N's breakdown happened so quickly in such a short amount of time but in no way did it feel like it. It had almost felt like that would've taken the whole day as it required so much attention that became exhausting very quickly. I knew my adrenaline was wearing off but I couldn't help feeling a bit tired as if I had gone through the motions of a whole day. I didn't know when I was going back to work yet; I didn't want to leave Y/N at all if I could, but I knew I would stay with her for as long as I could before going back to work. The realization dawned on me as I sat next to the Y/H/C haired girl while she was eating.

She was wanted in the city now that word was surely getting around about her escape. It was clear that police officers were going to pounce on anything that they could in hopes of getting Y/N behind bars, or even worse; placing her on death row. The thought made me sick knowing that someone or even multiple people would want the death of someone they didn't even know; they didn't know the full story or how wonderful of a person Y/N actually was. After the whole situation, we were able to calm down and not worry about doing anything for the rest of the day. I grabbed Y/N's plate once it was clean and went to complete the rest of the dishes to leave the kitchen clean once more. As I was washing the dishes, I could feel Y/N's eyes on the side of my head but there were no words spoken between the two of us. I started to become nervous because I knew she was scrutinizing every single movement of mine. I heard the slight scraping of the stool against the floor but I didn't really dare to look back to see what she was doing.

I kept my senses strained, looking out the corner of my eye in hopes that I would be able to see what she was doing. I came to no avail; listening for any other movement but there was none for what felt like hours. I knew it was mere seconds but eventually I felt her strong arms wrap around my waist hesitatingly, causing me to smile. I knew she would try to be a lot more cautious in her movements and even softer than she ever had been before. I felt bad for her regretting what had happened but I wouldn't tell her that. I knew she didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her and it wasn't something under her control. I just didn't want her feeling sorry for what had happened because like I had said; I didn't regret anything myself and I didn't end up hurt like Y/N thought. I just wanted to make her feel content with herself and if acting much softer than before was her way of coping, then I would help her as much as I could.

I could feel that Y/N was peering over my shoulder as I was washing the dishes but she didn't comment, and I didn't dare to comment either. If she wanted to just hold me, then I was perfectly okay with letting her do so. The longer we stood there, I could feel her arms begin to slightly tighten around my waist so that she no longer had her arms wrapped around me so loosely that they were barely there. She still wasn't holding me very tightly but I knew she wouldn't move anymore in fear of hurting me. That had to have been one of the hardest parts in dealing with a mental illness that takes over your body in such a way; there was no way to know or measure the sudden strength you gain. The weakest of people can cause major damage when they are in such a state of mind that they are unable to control. It can be many other things that others or even themselves don't know they possess such as sudden strength or quick movements.

I have seen through patients suffering from autism and other disabilities that temper-tantrums and such acts could give them strength they did not posses before and won't retain after the sudden fit is over with. I specialized in dealing with children with autism and other disabilities when their families would no longer want to care for them and they were forced in and out of foster homes. A lot of their stories will forever remain engraved in my mind but I tried to push the unwelcoming thoughts away. When someone isn't in the right state of mind, there could be so many different forms that the body can take on and it can be extremely scary when it is happening. Yet at the same time, I didn't feel scared when Y/N was in that state of mind. I was comfortable enough with her to know that she would never intentionally hurt me, and I was slowly learning that I could help her calm down most times. It was odd for me to realize but I was trying to help her as best as I could with the situation we were in.