Ten | newtmas

forty five

A/N: Happy one year of The Death Cure movie, everyone. Hope you enjoy the chapter, and thank you as always for the support and kindness!

My hearing is tomorrow. It would be today, but today happens to be Thanksgiving.

I've been feeling utterly sick. I had about six near-breakdowns yesterday, and Thomas has been my rock; curbing my anxiety and keeping me from losing it. Unfortunately, that only makes it worse.

I sit up in bed, and Chuck looks at me. "Morning," he says. He's been acting strange since I told him about the hearing. I can't blame him, but it only makes it harder.

"Morning," I say back. He gives me something that looks like it was meant to be a smile, then goes back to looking through his clothes.

Group today will be weird, because I have to sit there in the room with the person trying to keep me here against my will. There wouldn't even have to be a hearing if Ava Paige wasn't trying to make me an involuntary patient.

The messed up thing is that I don't know what scares me more. Having to stay, or getting to leave.

My hearing is going to be taking place in some room in the main building. I've been trying to keep my motivation in mind. I have to get better, and I can't do anything for my friends from in here.

In other words, the pressure is on.

"They might win," I say. It's weird being somewhat in the same position as Fry was a week ago. The Normals are all listening to me, and I'm the center of all conversation. But the difference between Fry and me is that Frypan earned his discharge date. He worked hard, recovered, and they let him go. In my case, they're fighting as hard as they can to keep me here.

"Don't worry about that, they won't," Thomas says.

"How could you know that, though?" I ask, turning to him.

"If you're better, then you can go, right?" Minho asks.

"Yes, exactly," Thomas says.

I shake my head. "It's different with me. They're probably going to use everything they've got against me, like the accident and..." I trail off, looking at Thomas. "Our leaving."

"It'll be fine, you didn't do anything wrong," Thomas says. I'm not so sure about that. "I just can't believe they're still making you do this stupid trial."

We both know why they want me here, and I don't think it has anything to do with my accident or what Thomas and I did when we left. It's the information I have. The moment I get discharged, I'm no longer just some crazy kid who's word is meaningless. I could take them down.

But from in here, I'm useless.

"You'll get out. You're doing a lot better," Chuck says quietly.

Thomas nudges Chuck. "We can bring our sleepovers back," he says cheerfully.

Chuck begins to smile. "Really? You think?"

"I know," Thomas says.

It helps me to know that the Normals will have each other. Thomas and Chuck especially. But regardless, it feels like I'm abandoning them, and I'm losing them for sure. My first real friends in who knows how long. I know I'm leaving to try to protect them, but the selfish part of me isn't ready to say goodbye.

"You'll do just fine. It's not as scary as you think," Jeff says.

"See? We all know you're good enough to go, Newt. You have nothing to be nervous about," Thomas says. He takes my hand that's resting on the table and holds it in his, looking at me seriously. "I promise."