MATE AND HIS LOVER

#11 Arrangement

I wake up exhausted. I tell Helena I'm too tired from my punishment so I can't go to school today.

"Don't worry, I'll put in a leave slip for you."

Ugh. Why're you so damn nice, Helena?

I sleep till afternoon and then get up from my bed. I've a pain in my body. I know why the pain is there. I've had that pain for a while long time ago.

It went away.

But now it's back.

I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. I move my t-shirt and look at the scar.

Tears slip down my eyes.

Why? Why it'd to happen? Just when I thought I ran away from my past, dark memories rise up as if they are from yesterday.

Why did Mathew had to bite over it? I know I deserve a punishment for keeping things from him, from all of them. But this is too cruel.

I weep, burying my face in my palms.

"What do I do Caesar?" I ask the boy who never replies.

I wipe my tears and wash my face.

I go to bed and fall asleep again.

I hear a knock on my room door.

I get up and open it. I see Mathew. I stand steady. Seeing his face, I know why he's here. To apologize.

"How are you?" he asks.

"I'm fine."

"Sam, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done that to you."

"It's okay. It was an accident."

"No. It was not an accident. I can't blame my wolf. It was me. I'm sorry."

"Mathew, really, it's fine."

"It's not fair. Not to you, not to Helena. I'm hurting you, Sam."

I don't say anything in return. He won't believe me if I say I'm fine again. Because I'm not.

"I try, you know! I try really hard to keep away from you. To look at Helena only. But..."

He pushes his hair back. "But, it's so damn hard. I feel like I'm dying if I don't see your face for long. It's killing me every time I see you smile at someone else. I want to kiss you all the time. I want to break Zack's neck whenever I see him sitting beside you.

I know! I know I've no right to. But I want to touch you, Sam! I want to sleep with you!" Mathew says.

I can see the want and pain in his eyes, at the same time. He's broken. The mate bond is choking him.

"But you shouldn't," I tell him.

He looks down and slams the door, almost breaking it.

"I know. I know." He pulls up his face and says, "But I want to."

The lust in his eyes unsettles me. I know why it's getting difficult for him. With every touch and every kiss, the want only increases.

If you leave the desire unattended, it'll cause you pain. If you give in, it'll want more.

I think hard. I need to know what I should do now. I feel like one day or another, he'll snap. But if I give in to him, he'll leave Helena. I wasn't sure of that before, but now I am.

When he said, it wasn't his wolf but him, I believed him. I always doubted it was him, but wished deep down it was his wolf and then pretended that's the case.

I don't know why he fell for me, when he has someone as wonderful as Helena by his side.

I want to ask him, but I'm scared the answer might make me fall in love with him, too.

I shouldn't love him.

He needs to mate with Helena and break our bond, then everything will be fine. He'll be fine.

A part of me wants to tell him that he can have me. If it'll end his lust, he can have me. But it won't be enough. He'll want more soon and he'll mate with me, fully, and mark me, making me his.

He didn't hold back in biting my scar.

"Mathew, I get it. If I had my wolf I would also be feeling exactly what you're feeling now. When you're frustrated, come to me, hold me. I won't push you away. But you can't take things too far. Hold me anytime you want, as long as you want, as often as you want. Don't keep yourself away from me too long for it to drive you to the edge.

Remember, all of this will go away once you make Helena your mate. But I know for the time being you can't escape the bond. So, don't try to. Give in to it as far as possible, just don't go all the way."

"Are you sure?" he asks.

Honestly, I was hoping he would refuse, he would say something like he can't do that to Helena. But I look at him and see hope in his eyes.

It's only till they become mates. Then he won't look at me like that and I won't feel this troubled.

"Yes," I tell him.