Transparent: A Divergent FanFiction (Book One) ©

Chapter 51

                The two hours that passed felt like two decades. In that time, I’d had to pretend that I was enjoying myself, that I was eager to be done with initiation, that I was more than enthused at the idea of finally being able to call myself a true dauntless member, and that I wasn’t completely petrified of every shadow and noise. Paranoia or not, I felt like Banks was around every corner, hiding from view, and that at the first sign of a mistake he’d be quick to swoop in and revoke our deal.

                When Finn and Dan had given me confused looks, asking why I hadn’t met up with Randi like I’d said, I was surprised to hear a lie immediately escape my lips.

                “I went down the wrong tunnel and I got lost.”

                “Yeah right, I bet you chickened out huh?” Finn teased.

                “No,” I said; this time trying to be obvious with the lie.

               I turned away from them, and then did the best job I could at appearing like an embarrassed school-boy; I’d had time to think, and the best way to lie for now, wouldn’t be with words but with actions. I’d have to let my body do the talking, because otherwise Dan and the others would certainly notice.

               Surprisingly, it worked. Finn and Dan, who’d been the only ones who knew I was trying to talk to Randi, hooted and teased me but otherwise didn’t make a huge deal of it. During the pre-party, I’d also come to learn another vital thing. Alcohol could either help or completely destroy me.

               As part of the act, and because I’d wanted something to take the edge off of my nerves, I’d taken a beer from Biff and had slowly sipped it. After a while, I happily realized it had given me the desired effect; I’d loosened up enough so that I didn’t appear like some sort of startled fawn. I’d quickly downed another, and then a third; it was at that point that I realized the balance had to be maintained or else it made me even more loose-lipped than I already was.

               Luckily, I managed to catch it in time before I said something irrevocable. I’d noticed the balance was off when, at one point I thought I’d been staring at Randi and only thinking she was beautiful. However, after a beat I heard the girls giggle and saw a couple of the guys smirk; it was then I realized I’d actually said it. I immediately stopped drinking and had then concentrated all of my attentions to sobering up enough so that I could control what was coming out of my mouth.

               Now, after the party which Biff and Finn had complained was too small, we’d made our way into the dining hall. After pushing two of the tables together again, we all clambered together and waited for the big announcement.

                Unable to resist, I found myself searching the surrounding tables for Banks. Instead, I spotted Billy, Howard and Samantha, all whom were scowling. I checked the opposite side of the cafeteria, and made out Marko and his gang. I didn’t turn away fast enough, and Marko caught me staring, but he just grinned his I’m-not-at-all-worried smile and then acknowledged me with a slight nod. I nodded back, and then let out a quiet sigh. Where was he?

                “Hey, are you okay?” Randi asked beside me.

               I jumped slightly, but then pasted a smile on my face. “Yeah.”

               Randi frowned in concern, and I could feel her hand intertwine with my own beneath the table.

               “It’s the rankings,” I said; deciding if she could see that I was bothered, it was best to give her some explanation rather than deny it completely.