LOVE TO HATE YOU

BEN 4 SERA 4 EVA

We must have stayed in the bath kissing for hours. I couldn't remember the last time I'd kissed someone for so long. It must have been in my teen years, back when I snuck behind bushes at friends' parties to make the most of kissing in lieu of doing anything more.

And when we weren't kissing, we stared at each other and smiled like idiots. Several times I stopped, looked into his eyes and opened my mouth to say something, but each time he silenced me with a finger across my lips. "Give me one more day," he said. "Save it for tomorrow night."

I wondered what the hell he had planned for the next night—What was so special about tomorrow all of a sudden?

By the time we climbed out of the bath, my lips tingled from the endless friction. Ben wrapped me up in one of those big, fluffy white hotel robes, took me by the hand and led me to bed.

It dawned on me that this was our first sleepover together, a thought that made me giddy with excitement. It was strange how our relationship had played out in reverse: sex on the first night to not having sex during our first official sleepover. But with Ben I couldn't imagine the relationship playing out any other way. Ben constantly surprised me. "Which side of the bed do you sleep on?" he asked.

"Um...I don't know, I've never really thought about it." It had been years since I'd had a guy in my bed. "I think that side." I pointed to the left, but before I could move to climb in, Ben took me by the shoulders and marched me to the other side of the bed. He pulled the blanket down and maneuvered me in. He then jumped over me and climbed into "my" side.

"Why did you do that?"

Ben moved closer. He rested his head on his hand and with his free hand he started untying my robe. "Because," he said slowly, loosening the robe and letting it fall open. His hand reached inside and ran over my stomach. "I don't want this to be like sleeping in bed with any other guy."

I pushed his hand away quickly. "That's kind of rich coming from you, ex man-whore." I had intended it to come out in a playful way, but a real sting had crept into the words, and the second they were out of my mouth I realized the revulsion in my voice. I didn't want to think about where he'd been either, who he'd been with, how many other women there had been and whether or not I knew any of them.

He looked intently at me for a while, as if he was trying to work out how to respond. "I'm sorry about that," he said. "There's nothing I can really do to change it. But it's in the past."

But the more I was trying not to imagine a hot, naked Ben sweating and moaning on top of someone else, the more I kept picturing it. And the more I kept picturing it, the more I realized that the idea of him with anyone else was evoking more jealously than I had ever felt about anyone.

"Stop thinking, Sera," Ben said climbing on top of me. "You think way too much. I would hate to know what's going on in your head right now."

"Trust me. You don't." I let him climb on top of me and he raised himself up on his elbows.

"Well, if it's anything like the images running through my mind right now...it's not pleasant." He reached down and stroked my face. "Let's just pretend we're innocent little virgins doing everything for the first time and—"

I burst out laughing. "Not likely."

"Why? It's not such a leap, everything I do with you feels like a first." The look in his eyes transformed the moment again.

I sighed out loud. "Did you enroll in a course where they taught you what women want to hear? I mean...are you for real?"

"You'll just have to find out tomorrow night." His contagious smile had me smiling again.

"What the hell have you got planned for tomorrow night?" I asked, giggling slightly as I wrapped my arms around him. Suddenly, without warning, Ben rolled me over so I was sitting on top of him.

"I already told you what's happening tomorrow night," he said with that familiar confidence.

"That I'm going to confess my undying love to you." My tone was slightly mocking.

Ben nodded, looking dead serious. "Exactly!"

"You're crazy, you know that?" I laughed, putting my hands on his chest and tracing the outline of one of his tattoos. We both watched as my fingers traced the lines up and down his torso, his arms and neck. He let out a sigh as goosebumps broke out across his skin.

"There's a gap here," I said when I came to a place that hadn't been covered. He tilted his head up and looked down.

"Oh, that's where I'm getting our names tattooed. Ben 4 Sera 4 eva!" He followed the sentence with one of those ice-berg melting smiles.

"Like I said...crazy!"

Be wrapped his arms around me. "You think I'm joking?" he asked.

I stopped and thought about it for a second. Did I think Ben was capable of tattooing something like that on his chest? Well, if there was one person on earth who might do something that ridiculous, it probably would be Ben. But did I really think he would do it, no, not really. I gave him a skeptical look and shrugged.

Ben pulled me down and laughed. "Oh Sera, Sera, Sera ...you'll just have to wait and see, won't you."