Tossing, turning, tumbling, and tracing facts but nothing comes up when I try to describe the way I want to go about my so called "love" for Harry Styles. He was coming over tonight even though the clock already read 10:42pm. I could not help but stress the issue of whether or not to kiss him once he got here. Should I just hug him? But that's awkward. I mean we are dating. But like oh I don't know... I want so badly for him to understand but he just does not. No matter how many times I tell him about this "loose dating" he does not understand why I cannot just say "I love you" but to his credit, he was a whole five years younger and maybe he just could not exactly put a pin on it. And I also have a big problem of over thinking things. For heavens sake I was wondering what would happen if he did not like the treats I has baked for tonight.
Soon he came swooping in. If he were not so clumsy by nature I might have called him graceful. But nonetheless he charmed the room with his beautiful smile. Still closing the door with one hand his other reached for me and looped my waist into a tight hold against his chest. There I rested my hand and gave him my most genuine smile.
"Do you know how I know I still love you after all this time?" He said ever so charmingly. "I still get butterflies every time I first lay eyes on you."
And that was the first thing he said that night. I was too flustered to answer that remark so I closed my eyes and let my head fall into his chest. With both arms this time he enveloped me into a strong embrace.
Why must he do this to me and make everything so much more complicated than it already is?
To my relief he loved the muffins I had made and ate at least three of them, not like I was counting. Alone, just us at my house, it was hard not to get extremely distracted by his being. At some point we wandered away from the living room couch and into my master bedroom. We sat on the bed, Harry's back against the wall of pillows at the head of the bed, me sitting in between his legs. My legs wrapped around his waist and his did the same, my arms laced around his neck and I leaned in to where our noses could probably touch if we had wanted. We were completely comfortable in the silence that was this moment. We were not talking, nope not even trying to start a conversation. We just sat there, skin to skin, eye to eye. I did not want to say anything at all anyways. I loved this beautiful silent stare we were both entranced in. Oh he was so beautiful... I found I was quickly losing myself in the perfect era that was Harry Styles. And he had these electrifying eyes that probably only appear that way because whenever they light up my heart beats so fast it could power the whole city and when he speaks with that beautiful accent I swear the universe stops to listen and the worst part is that even if I told him this truthfully, he'd dismiss it as my cheesiness, because he has no idea how wonderful he is.
And for a split second I developed and urge I had never really felt before. I wanted him. Not just like to be with but like physically wanted him. He was so beautiful I just wanted to lose myself in his body, kids his perfect lips, and feel his perfect skin. But I didn't particularly want him in a naughty way -maybe I did, somewhere deep inside- but no I didn't want to fuck, but I wanted him naked. I wanted to feel his bare skin against mine. And I did want to see all of his body and his defining tattoos. And I wanted him to see me too. I wanted desperately for him to want me too.
Before I could really channel my sudden urge and restrain myself, my fingers slid down towards his pants. His beautiful green eye stare was quickly replaced with a raised eyebrow and questioning. And then I smiled. And whatever I had said through that smile made him light up. Still without words, he took one of my hands -small in comparison to his- and placed it right where I had secretly been headed for. A quick warm shiver ran up my spine and a satisfied smile spread across his face.
"I love your eyes." He said in a deep raspy voice.
Oh god he was addicting! He then pulled me in for a soft kiss. But soon it was no longer a simple kiss... With each touch I wanted him more and more and more. Soon I was pushing my lips into his until his mouth opened into a make out. My hand slid down his pants, my other arm reached for his face and I laced my arm around his neck once more enabling me to bring him closer. He began pushing back and his hands started to wander as well. He would kiss me with an urgency as if my lips consisted of air and he was desperately in need of breath.
After the eventful night came to a close -around 2am mine you- I laid beside him, curled up against his strong frame, and slowly started to drift to sleep.
"You're just so fucking cute right now."
"What?" I looked up at him forcing back a giggle.
"I don't know, you're just laying here in a big tee shirt and underwear completely wrapped in blankets snuggling up against me and I just love you so much."
I smiled up at him and rolled over on top of his shirtless chest and gazed into his green eyes. He continued...
"Ya know I always wonder how I could possibly love you more than I already do but everyday there something that makes me love you more to the point where..." *giggles* "I probably should burst."
I smiled up at him, I knew exactly how he felt, mostly because I felt the exact same. I wanted to tell him, but I did not know how. I wanted so desperately to fall ballistically in love with this boy but something always pulled me back. I did not know what it was but I always let it stop me.
