The Last Card

The Hermit

"You're leaving?"

We sat across each other as we often did over the past nine years. The cards were ready to read―but the querent was texting on his phone.

"I have to," he said absently. "It's a case."

It was always a case―because he no longer wanted readings. The querent claimed to be happy not knowing―because he wanted to make me happy.

But we weren't happy.

This yearly reading was just for 'fun'. We weren't supposed to take it seriously. But now the querent wasn't paying attention at all.

He still leaned forward to kiss my cheek and promised to be back in time to take Meadow to Nanny McPhee.

At least he agreed that was a better movie for a child than Big Momma's House 2.

Sometimes I felt that we were closer before we moved in together. Before the fun on the table.

Before our first kiss.

I looked at the past card. He had ignored my explanation. Of course he didn't want to hear that Three of Cups in reverse meant that there was loneliness and lack of growth in a relationship. The only thing that he said was that at least those problems were in the past.

He would be right if the past problems didn't lead up to the present card.

I looked at the Hermit. Standing on a lonely mountaintop, abandoning people to find his own answers.

The querent wasn't home many nights. He couldn't abandon his quest to stop his death vision. It's one thing to make a promise on a May day.

Keeping the promise is another story.

"You're lonely in a relationship, but you can still make it work," I whispered to the missing querent. "The lantern means you are lost and looking for the right path. I'm still here...you just have to see me."

Why was that so hard for him? Why wasn't I enough?

I could ask the cards. But the cards only gave me one answer.

And I saw that image enough on the querent's arm.

"This card might mean that our relationship isn't right―that you would be better off with someone else. But you'd never listen. You convince yourself of things too easily. You have a vision where you die? Then you must end up dying that way. A nice girl tries to help you? She must be the woman for you."

I wondered if the Hermit ever regretted abandoning things on his quest to find some ideal. I wondered if he ever envied the Lovers.

I wondered if he ever envied Death.

"You'll never let go of your quest. You'll continue pushing me away while you try to find some sort of revelation. And me? I let it happen. What card does that make me?"

If I looked at the future card, I knew that I would no longer be able to avoid the truth.

I put it back into my deck without peeking. I'd head for home and we would take Meadow to a fun movie. The querent will leave in the middle with some flimsy excuse of a case. Meadow will be disappointed and I'll have to act extra cheerful to pretend that nothing is wrong.

The Hermit wanted to guide us in a new direction―but I wasn't ready.