be my mistake ~ matty healy

four

    arriving at the club, i realized how cold it was out. i chose a mini leather skirt with a vintage graphic tee with some black heels. i touched up my makeup from the day and straightened my hair again.

    the boys were all dressed in their signature black outfits while matty switched his white tee out for a floral button-up. even though it was the night, he still suggested he wear sunglasses. i was walking beside matty as we made our way in, the bouncer already familiar with us. me and matty made out way to the bar while george, ross, and adam went to find a booth that wasn't covered in spilt tequila.

    "hey mate, can we get a round of tequila shots?" matty yelled to the bartender over the pulsating music. the bartender nodded as matty grabbed my hand and led me to the booth the rest of the boys were at.

    a few minutes later, the shots were brought over.

    "cheers to this amazing band. without you, there is no me," matty said before clinking his glass with everybody and gulping it down. shortly after, george ordered another round.

    after the third round, i felt the buzz kick in. i dragged ross with me to the dance floor, and we were dancing to some pop-trash while matty, george, and adam stayed at the booth, drinking some more and laughing.

    i felt sometime grope me from behind. i turned around to be met with a 5'11, brown eyed asshole who had a smirk plastered on his face. it was clear he had something to drink, but he wasn't blackout drunk yet.

    "whoops, my bad, it was a slip of the hand, babe. though, i don't recall regretting it," he smirked down at me. i made a face of disgust before turning back to ross. but the asshat grabbed my wrist and tried to bring me back to him.

    ross saw me struggling, so he soon stepped in and pushed the asshole back. i saw matty and george step in, george pulling me into his chest gently while matty and ross got in the asshat's face.

    "what's your problem man? if she's gonna dress like a slut, she's gonna get what she's asking for," he said, smirking.

    "listen mate, you don't talk to her like that," matty said, poking the dickwad in the chest. the asshole pushed matty back before ross pushed him back in return. the asshat swung a punch at ross, barely missing before matty kicked him in the stomach and swung his fist at his face.

    the asshole got up and managed to hit matty in the face before ross swung at him. by then, george, adam, and i were yelling at them to stop, and the bouncer and the bartender had to come and break them up. the asshat was furious and was bleeding above his eye and from his nose. matty has a bruise forming on the left side of his face and his lip was busted. george, adam, and i followed as the bouncer threw them all out.

    i went over to matty, making sure he was okay while adam and george checked up on ross.

    "for fucks sake, matty. i could've handled it," i said, gently touching his face. he winced when my hand skimmed over the bruise on his jaw.

    "alex, you know we won't let anyone talk to you like that," he said, smirking. he kept blinking rapidly and touching my face with his pointer finger as he struggled to walk.

    "george, i'll take matty back to my place. it's a lot closer and ross and adam aren't nearly as drunk as he is," i say, watching as george nods and puts ross's arm over his shoulder.

    "let's get you home, buddy," i say, putting matty's arm over my shoulder.

    the whole way back to my apartment, he kept singing his songs and making sudden outbursts about how his band is the best band in the world. he also kept complaining about how he's not drunk enough yet and how he needs some red wine.

    upon arriving at my apartment, it was nearly 2am. the people left in the lobby gave me weird looks as i dragged matty through the lobby and constantly told him to shut up.

    i opened my door, quickly dragging matty to the couch just to get his weight off of me. i went back to shut the door and took off the agonizing heels i was swearing.

    "alex?" matty mumbled, squirming around on the couch. i took off his boots and threw those by the door.

    "yeah?" i asked, lying down at the end of the couch and looking at the ceiling.

    "i can't fathom how badly 'm gonna miss you," he said, moving over to where i was lying down. he put his head on my lap and put my hand to where his hair is. i started playing with the curls in between my fingers.

    "me too, matty," i whispered. a few moments later, i moved his head gently and went into my room, taking off the restricting skirt and putting on some nike shorts. i took off my bra and shirt and threw on the graphic tee again.

    by the time i went back into the living room to get matty, i heard retching sounds from my bathroom. i rushed over to see matty bent over the loo, wiping his mouth.

    "matty..."i said, kneeling down and rubbing his back. he hiccuped before motioning he was fine. he lied against the bathtub and shut his eyes momentarily.

    "alex...i stink," he said. i laughed lightly and said," you think?"

i pulled him up from the floor before dragging him to my room and handing him some sweatpants he left here awhile ago. i unbuttoned his shirt and took it off of him, leaving him to take off his skinny jeans. once he was done, he automatically lied face first on my bed.

i crawled next to him and put the duvet over us. he turned to me and i turned to face him.

"i don't know what i would do without you, alex. before you, i would pass out drunk in some random girls' apartment and have to drag myself back to george's," he said, his eyes closed and he was taking deep breaths.

i focused on the details in his face- his slight stubble, the few freckles he had randomly on his face, his gorgeous eyelashes, the way his eyebrows were furrowed.

matty was passed out cold a few minutes later. he slightly shifted in his sleep as i got up. i grabbed a cardigan and threw it on before grabbing a pack of fags that were sitting on my dresser and walking out to my balcony.

thought the balcony was facing some building, i still had a few of the city. the lights illuminated the sky, making it rare to spot a star. i lit a fag and took a long drag, looking at the city and thinking.

how fucked up this is. i'm in love with my best friend. he'll never love me back the way i love him. i see the way he looks at other girls, the way he speaks so highly of them. and i was always there for him when they left his heart in the gutter. i was always there to pick it up and mend it together, piece by piece.

but he's on this self destructive- perpetual loop. there's always going to be someone to rip it apart again. and i dread the day i won't be there to mend it together.

i didn't realize i was crying until i involuntarily sniffed. i wiped my face quickly and continued to smoke, inhaling the toxic fumes.

how fucked up this is.