December // A Winter Soldier Story

30

ｄｅｃｅｍｂｅｒ ３１ｓｔ， ２０１３

１９°

ℒℯ𝒶

It's an odd time to remember your childhood, Lea thinks, while you're in the middle of being mutilated by an organization that wants you dead. Yet she is seeing flashes of her family in her eyes as a knife drags across her skin again.

She catches a glimpse of her mom's face in the harsh, industrial lighting above her, hardly taking any notice of the hell she is enduring. This must be a coping method, she thinks, dissociating yourself so you don't pay any mind to the pain.

Her mom had beautiful blue eyes. The kind of eyes that make you stare and wonder how so many different shades of blue could even exist. Lea sees them now, her heart aching because it's been so long since she'd last seen them. They remind her of a home that no longer exists. A life she no longer has.

As if reminding her that her old life is gone and a new one has taken its place, she can see Bucky in the corner of her vision. The juxtaposition of two very different memories - one of her mother, one of Bucky - is screwing with her. She is almost completely unrecognizable to who she was just a few years ago. Would her mother approve of who she had become? Did young Lea ever imagine a life like this for herself? Most assuredly, the answer is no. So how did Lea get here?

The sharp pain of her own blood being forcedly drawn from her makes her pause in her deliberations, and her broken mind instead wonders how she is going to escape this torture. Her throat is sore from all the yelling she let out earlier, her eyes aching from crying. But all the crying and yelling and thrashing has stopped, and she has grown numb. She knows she will not survive many more bouts of torture. She has to get out of here.

The cutting halts for a moment. The sharp pain is gone and Lea thinks she's never felt relief quite like this before. She hears men talking, but is too unfocused to think much on what they are saying. Maybe they've realized by now that she's not responding to the torture.

She glances at Bucky's face again. She could drown in his cheekbones, his sad eyes. Of all the hell that has come with this new life of hers, he is the one thing she is thankful for. 

Then the man steps between her and Bucky and forcefully jerks her body up, sending a shock through Lea's system after it was so still for so long. Through her blurred vision, she looks down at her bloody arms and legs, watching the hot, crimson liquid pour from every cut they gave her. She will not bleed out, as they were careful to avoid this, but she would most certainly suffer from the effects of blood loss. She already feels the room starting to spin as the man hauls her to a sitting position and looks to Bucky.

"You," he snarls, his words clipped. "Get her. Bring to her to the pool."

Bucky is careful to guard his expression, robotically walking towards her. His eyes give her an apology he's unable to vocalize as he yanks her upper body towards him and pulls her over his shoulder. 

Lea is in pain, and every cut that is now rubbing against Bucky's suit sends a wave of flames through her, but at least it is he who is carrying her. It may be delusional, but she feels safe in his arms. Even in this situation, where he is required to comply with every command he is given without question or risk being discovered as having his memory back, she feels safer draped over his shoulder than she did on the table. Maybe it's just the idea of having someone on your side throughout all this, no matter how thin the alliance may be. Perhaps she just needs some human contact so she no longer feels so alone.

With a start, she realizes - this is the closest to each other they have ever been. What a cruel twist of irony that their first intimate contact with one another has to be in such a warped situation.

Lea pulls in as many ragged breaths as she can before whatever else is to come. Bucky's steps are as smooth as he can get them without acting strange, but that doesn't mean that each one doesn't still send sharp pain throughout her body, pain that stems from each and every tear that exists in her skin. She can't see where they are going, but she has a feeling that even if she could see, they'd still arrive far too soon for her liking. 

Sure enough, it feels like only seconds later when Bucky lifts her off of him and puts her on her shaky feet. She struggles to hold herself up. She is weak, tired, scared, and anxious - none of these emotions make for a steady standing position. As if trying to help her, Bucky grabs her upper arm. From the outside, this looks like a rough statement of control; to her, it's a way for him to keep her steady.

The man in the lab coat moves before her again, gesturing to a large, round thing that looks like a large bathtub. It is deeper than she expected, and sure enough, full of water.

"You have ten seconds to tell me why you were with Steve Rogers, or you're going to drown in there."

Tears build up in her eyes from pure stress and terror. A single drop rolls down her cheek, but her mouth remains closed. Would they really kill her now when she's barely been here for a few days? Of course they would, she thinks to herself. They were going to kill you even if you spoke. If you won't speak, they'll just kill you early.

This nonverbal answer she gives them is enough to seal her fate. She is ripped from Bucky's grasp and pushed over the side of the tub into the water by the man. 

Her bones ache from hitting the side of the pool, but the shock from how cold the water is is enough to wake her up a little bit. She breaks through the surface a little more alert this time. It's good that she is more aware of her surroundings, but it is also bad, because she will now feel every bit of the pain she is about to endure.

"I'm going to show you what it feels like to not be in control anymore, little girl," the man says, stepping closer to the edge of the pool to look her in the eyes. "You think that you're in control here since you have what we want, but I'm going to prove to you that we are in charge of your fate now. Not you. So you can either tell us what we want to know, or you can know what it's like to not breathe. Your choice."

"I don't have anything you need," she replies. She barely recognizes her own voice.

He shakes his head. "So be it."

The second he is done speaking, she feels something wrap around her feet. Suddenly she is yanked from the world and pulled into the deep, dark, oxygen-less water below.

The last thing she is remembers is looking up at the surface of the water, staring at the light breaking through from above, wondering if this is the last thing she'll ever see.