[4] Martin

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VIA
Mrs Porter never ceased to amaze me. Seriously, every time she spoke to me, she'd reach an even bigger low. This time, she decided to go as low as trying to talk to me about my father. Why the fuck would she bring him into this?

She was acting as if I missed him. It was so painful – why couldn't she understand that I didn't care? Though to be fair to her, she did keep a strong one-sided conversation which couldn't be said for most. But the thing was that my dad was dead to me. I know that that sounds dramatic and insensitive and I get it. But the man that I loved, the one that loved me and appreciated me for who I was, was gone. He was no longer there and that's why I didn't care because he didn't either. Why Mrs Porter wanted to delve into that I had no idea.

And another awful part of the whole thing was that Noah was right there. I knew he was listening, or at least trying to listen in to the conversation because he kept saying the same stock phrases that everyone says when they're not listening. Why was he so curious about me? He probably just wanted something interesting to report back to his friends.

I'm really not very interesting – when you take the fact I can't speak out of the equation, I'm very average. I mean, come on, I only had one real friend and didn't have many hobbies at all; there really wasn't much special about me. I was just a mystery to people because I couldn't speak and nothing more.

I walked out of the office as soon as the bell went and cursed myself at the fact that I had to endure another 4 hours of school. I didn't even get to talk to Elliot this break either, not that he would have minded, but it's nice to feel like at least one person cared about me.

XXX

Mrs Williams was my now favourite teacher after the whole Mrs Fields thinking she's helping me by making my life even worse thing. She was my biology teacher and was one of those teachers that let me do what I wanted whilst still being nice and not acting like I was taking the piss out of the school system like others *Cough cough* Mr Harold *cough cough* I mean what? She smiled as soon as she spotted me; as I said she's a lovely teacher. I just wished that Mrs Fields would be more like her, and then I wouldn't have to do partner work with an absolute player who probably hated me.

I tried to ignore the whole English thing as Miss started going into photosynthesis and chlorophyll and plants. And then when she finished, I played 'What Would Via Say?', AKA the best game show that nobody's ever heard of, literally (hahaha I'm so funny, right?). Anyway, this week's edition involved the two girls that sat in front of me, who were pondering over whether Katie (the blonde one on the right) should dump her boyfriend Dan, But nobody really cares about this, all they want to know is: What Would Via Say?

Katie: I feel like I really like him, but like, he said all that?

Mackenzie (the also blonde on the right): You should just dump him straight off – putting it off isn't going to help you!

Via: Honestly don't talk about putting things off Mackenzie; you know for a fact that Noah cheated on you and yet you're still going out! Ok, that was slightly malicious. Katie please just dump him: he sounds like an absolute dickhead if I'm being honest.

And here is a prime example, Ladies and Gentlemen, of why it's a very good thing that Via can't speak; if she did, she would be just as friendless as she is now (That is just mean, but slightly true, I'm not going to lie). And then I realised that I'd done fuck all work-wise and got down to filling out the worksheet that suddenly appeared in front of me.

XXX

I didn't know what to do with myself as soon as I got home. I hadn't been given any more homework, which I was surprised with since I was in Year 11. I hadn't really given the fact that at the end of this year, I did need to do my GCSEs and pass them; they didn't really concern me too much at all. I think it was because I hadn't ever really thought of myself in a job. I can't deny that it had something to do with the fact that I can't speak – nobody would ever want to employ me, the girl who's practically useless. I had no hope in hell of ever finding work anywhere, I mean just about every job requires some sort of normal interaction with others and that was impossible for me.

That didn't directly affect my GCSEs – I did work hard, and I got good grades. It's just that I didn't care about them. If I failed an exam, I didn't go crying like everyone else in the year, I just told myself that I should probably sort it out for the next one and didn't stress about it. All I wanted to do was pass English and finally get out of High school. They were my only goals. And unfortunately with my partner situation, one of them looked impossible.

So we're writing a story?

I still had to pinch myself that, yes, Noah Rosenworth was, in fact, texting me. It was so embarrassing when I had to take that stupid notebook out – I felt like I was five years old again, smiling like an idiot. Unfortunately, that was really the only way to avoid a whole lesson of awkward silence so I just had to swallow the embarrassment and deal with it. It's not like he thought highly of me anyway, to be honest, so I didn't really have much to lose.

I guess so
Ok then
This is really awkward, isn't it?
You're telling me
This is going to be fun times!
Who knew you could be so sarcastic?
What did you expect?
Honestly?
Go for it
I don't know... someone that didn't reply much
*serious facepalming*
I'm sorry
It's ok – it's what most people think anyway (especially the ignorant athletic ones)
OH OK! *SORRY*
Anyway, to be fair I don't know much about you
Well... except that you cheated on Mackenzie twice with Lucy and Katie but...
How tf do you know that????
People don't tend to mind sharing secrets when I'm in the room
What else do you know?
Do you think I'm going to spill all the tea on the school that easily?
...yes?
So basically, I know that you find certain concepts hard to understand, but there are two things called privacy and respect...
Good for you
So me... erm...
I like football?
Enlightening
Shush
Trust me when I say that's not too difficult for me
... Do you prefer white or red grapes?
That's a very deep question
Red grapes – they seem juicier somehow
Just like all that gossip I've got on the school...
That wasn't dramatic or anything
You're just going to expect me to turn up in one of those really bad teen mystery shows where the characters think they're really cool and dramatic
Well that's ruled out of our story then
What genre do you think we should go with?
Dunno – as long as it doesn't feature heavy romance or any cringe I think we should be ok. Oh yeah, and as long as no writing's involved too.
Are you going to make me facepalm for a second time?
Jokes. No genuinely – you want to pass English so I think it would probably be better if you basically just tell me what to do
That sounds fine, to be honest – I would argue with you and say that it's more work for me but honestly, I have a feeling I would hate it if you took charge
*Ouch*
The first time we decided to go with the story, you told me that you hated writing – do not spin this around!
Ok so I think what we'll do is just alternate parts – I'll do the first part or whatever
That sounds good to me!
Great!

I don't think (other than Elliot) I'd ever had such a long text conversation. As before, I didn't want to think about the possibility that he was going to show it to all his friends and laugh for a long time about how stupid I am. I didn't want to accept the possibility that Noah was just doing this for the sake of making me look stupid at all. I just wanted to know that Noah was actually a nice person and I know that sounds naïve but I wanted it to be true. I wanted to think that he actually liked talking to me. The little voice in the back of my head was going mental, exploring how someone who had obviously been so mean to me for the past year could suddenly be so nice, but I didn't want to discover that it was a trick. I just wanted to feel less lonely – to be able to tell Elliot that yes I did have at least one friend in school. I wanted to stop dreading stepping past the gates.

So I did something truly idiotic: I let myself believe that maybe this could all be over and I could actually enjoy school.

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