Shameless Gangster

Chapter 7A

As bark is vital to a tree, so is dignity to a person

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If you ask Jiang Xiaoning whether he actually wanted to top Han Jia or just wanted to scare him and nothing else, Jiang Xiaoning, himself, could not have given an accurate answer. He only felt hate; a hatred that came from the depths of his heart.

He could never forget Han Jia's complete lack of sympathy and unconcerned expression when he had drugged him. It was as if such an act was just an ordinary matter. That kind of expression made Jiang Xiaoning felt as though he was not a person with blood, flesh, and emotions, but rather a piece of furniture. The feeling of being "handled" and treated as a thing without feelings, deprived of freedom and rights, both scared and disgusted him—becoming a nightmare that had repeatedly awakened him for the past few days.

The light in his father's room had always shined until very late into the night, but Jiang Xiaoning was never courageous enough to knock on the door. Qi Laoshi was kind and friendly, and given his own experience, he would not make a fuss, but he did not seem to be willing to talk to him about Jin Ting; also, this could absolutely not be discussed with classmates or be psychologically remedied by an acquaintance that you only nod to at the bar.

In the end, he only had himself. Each time he woke up, he was suffocated with those lingering fears before he sat on the bed with cold sweat, wrapped in a quilt, and then recalled the experience over and over again.

In this recollection, he experienced self-blame, guilt, anxiety, horror, and shame that he had never felt before since birth. The intense emotions made him feel like he had been split into countless fragments, and the fragments of his spirit simply floated out of him and scattered throughout the room—some shivered in fear, some sneered, and some expressionless.

Then, a voice gradually sounded, and he heard the Jiang Xiaoning who sneered spoke. "You're the one that doesn't know what shame is and made yourself an MB. You deserved to be drugged!"

The one that shivered in fear with his cheeks streaming with tears muttered: "Please help me, my dad is still waiting for me at home. Han Laoban, I beg you..."

The expressionless figure interrupted: "He won't wait for you at home, he has never cared about you."

He began to fear the darkness and the solitude, which led him to almost deliberately remain active during the day, and at night, he kept the lights on until the morning light enveloped him. Just like that, the frightened teenager sank into the endless darkness—unable to rely on his own strength to break free.

These heavy emotions almost erupted because of his father's apoplectic outburst. Just a bit more and he would have shouted out those words; tell his father how despicable and cruel was the student that he had praised without end, and what pain and suffering he had experienced.

But his father's face held no regrets—that slap was utterly merciless, but he actually did not regret it at all. At that moment, the cold emotion that rushed into Jiang Xiaoning's heart was hatred.

Since he could not hate his own father, all the deeply repressed emotions—those fears, those repentances, that shame—settled in just an instant and turned into hatred for Han Jia.

Everything was because of him. He snatched away his father's attention, hurt his dignity, and he cast a heavy shadow on his heart. The years of misery that he suffered were almost entirely caused by him.

He ran into the windy night, consumed by anger and with nowhere to vent his anger on, he was actually taken to Jin Ting by his own two feet.

He had never felt that he was a radical person. His only intention was to throw a brick, but once he caught sight of Han Jia, the hatred had urged him to strike.