midwife » michael gray. [completed]

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT.

→ CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT; RESENTMENT P2. 

The night was chilly and all Hannah wanted to do was wrap her body in Michael's so she could feel his warmth but the tension between the two of them was harsh and cruel, Hannah didn't want it there but she didn't know how to remove it. She had caused it with her words, which she didn't completely mean, Michael's love was all Hannah had ever wanted. Michael could probably leave England for ten years and when he'd returned, Hannah would still be there waiting. She found it mortifying - she had always thought of herself a free-spirited woman, and she still was, just not when it came to Michael. He made Hannah feel special and loved regardless of everything that he had done.

Hannah didn't want to blame Michael entirely. She understood that the business had a strong effect on their lives, it persistently took over and vandalised relationships but it was paramount to the Shelby family, it had them who they were today. That wasn't necessarily a good thing but it wasn't bad either. It made Hannah feel safe knowing she was involved with Michael and his family members even if they did cause her more hassle than needed.

The conflicting feelings were getting too much for Hannah though. One minute she wanted to kill him, the next she just wanted to be with him. It had been this way for the past year. At some evening meals with the nurses and the nuns, Hannah would slate Michael until she was blue in the face. Move forward to the next day and Hannah would be praising him like nothing had happened.

"It's never too late for us," Michael mumbled, refusing to believe the words that came from Hannah.

"It's not fair on Lily."

"I'd leave her in a heartbeat."

Hannah shook her head, she didn't want to be a homewrecker. "The idea is appealing but I won't have it. I don't want Lily to feel like this because it's not nice and I wouldn't wish it on anybody."

"I didn't think that you and me stood a chance, I really didn't. I expected you to hate my guts which is understandable if you did - "

"There's not one bone in my body that hates you," Hannah interrupted as she shuffled closer to Michael. Every part of her was screaming to run away and to not get involved but it was physically impossible, Hannah needed to be close to him again.

"And that's what makes this worse. I will always love you more than I will every love anybody in whole life. You're so thoughtful and sweet and beautiful and it breaks my heart because I did this to you." Michael wiped away the tears from Hannah's face, his own tears could wait, he was more bothered about Hannah. "I knew I was going to make you mine from the moment I saw you and I thought that I could make you happy but I was wrong about that one." Michael paused before laughing, confusing Hannah. "I still have that lighter that I gave you in the alley."

"Really?" Hannah asked with a raised eyebrow, not expecting Michael to be such a nostalgic individual.

"Yeah, it broke a few months afterwards but I still kept it."

"Where is it?"

"In one of my draws back at my mums, I tried to fix it but it was no use," Michael said. It went hushed again, neither one of them knowing what to say or do. Without properly thinking, Hannah leaned over and grabbed Michael's hand, the action bringing her solace as soon as his fingers linked with hers. "Will you ever come back to me?"

"I don't know, I really don't. If you weren't with Lily then I'd be straight in your arms but I don't want to be a homewrecker. I also don't know if I can put myself through all of that again - the business, the heartbreak and everything else that comes with dating a Shelby family member. I mean, you live in New York now. Everything is such a shamble and I don't know how to feel about any of it."