peaky blinders imagines + smut.

tommy shelby: the end.

The stroll up to Tommy's front door was an anxious one, your feelings all over the place. Were you about to do the right thing? You had no idea but you did know that it would be the right choice in the future. You couldn't keep holding out for a man who didn't truly want you, his feelings only there when he was missing his late wife in the middle of the night, desperate for feeling of your skin on his so he could have some reminder of what it felt like to be loved.

Mary was the one who opened the door, immediately letting you in with a grin, she could sense that something was wrong from the booming knock on the door that echoed through the considerably large home, one too big for a man as isolated as Tommy.

You walked over to the office, not even bothering to knock on the door. It was evening at this point, the sun was setting and all you could see was the faint sunlight shining through the great bay windows and onto Tommy's work surface, the sun rays lighting him up in a handsome way. The smell of nicotine lingered throughout the room, a sign that Tommy had been chain smoking due to pressure which only caused your lack of confidence to heighten even more - Tommy in a bad mood was not a good man.

"What are you doing here?" Tommy asked, trying to remember if he had scheduled a time where the two of you could be together without any business getting in the way.

You watched as Tommy continued to flick through papers, checking over a contract that he was supposed to sign for the upcoming business meeting. It wasn't the right time to have this conversation, but you couldn't hide your feelings anymore because you were sure that it would end up killing you. "I wanted to talk to you..."

"Talk to me?" Tommy questioned as he finally looked up at you, one eyebrow raised.

The two of you never met up to talk, it was always sex and maybe some pillow talk afterwards if you got lucky. Conversations with Tommy were always plain-spoken, never about personal stuff such as family but always business and even then, he didn't give away too much, keeping his darker side away from the bedroom. The man was solid, afraid to show any emotions that could potentially portray him as vulnerable.

"Yes, talk. Is that an issue?"

"No, it isn't. I have a business meeting in ten minutes though - "

"Well it can wait because this is more important, okay?" You cut off, watching as Tommy's face twisted in confusion. Slowly you moved over to stand in front of his desk, not wanting to sit down and get comfortable. Your plan was to get this over and done with as quickly as possible, that way you could move on with your life and find someone who truly appreciated you. "I want to talk about us."

"Us?"

"Stop questioning everything!" You exclaimed with a sigh before rubbing a hand over your face. You were a shaking mess, afraid of what Tommy's reaction would be. You knew that he would act cold about it all, probably even laugh in your face for acting like a childish teenage girl who fell in love with someone out her league. "Sorry, I'm just a bit scared."

"Just say what you need to say because I don't really have the time."

Tommy pointed towards the contract causing you to roll your eyes. That was the main issue - the business. It always came before anything else, no-one could compete with it and it broke you. All you wanted was Tommy's love, you didn't want to be the person he came to when he was feeling companionless or when something had fucked up with the business. You deserved better than that - even Tommy knew that.

"That's the issue, Tommy, you never have the time. What even is this?" You angrily pointed between yourself and Tommy, looking like a mad woman as you waited for Tommy to respond. All he did was sit behind the desk and look at you with squinted eyes as he tried to figure out what your outburst was about. "In fact, I know what it is and I don't like it at all," you finished seen as Tommy was suddenly mute.

There was a scoff from Tommy as he gathered together some papers. "Don't start because I don't fucking need this."

"And I don't need this. I'm not going to carry on waiting around for you like an absolute idiot."

There was a lengthy sigh from Tommy as he placed the papers down and grabbed a cigarette for his metal holder. When it was lit, he pointed towards the chair across from him but you shook your head and stood your ground. There was so much that you had to say but you weren't ready to vocalise the words and put your feelings out there. It would backfire greatly and make you look like a fool.

"Just say it," Tommy said with a monotone voice, already bored of the conversation. It wasn't the right time, the business meeting that was looming was causing Tommy to become irritable and if he was sure that he would end up snapping at you, something he didn't want to do.

Licking your lips, you nodded your head. "I don't want this anymore, Tommy and I don't think I have done for a while," you took a pause and tried to hold back the tears, you weren't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry. "You don't want me like I want you and that's fine, we can't have everything that we want. That's why I think this should end, so I can move on and find someone who does love me and doesn't just want me for sex."

Tommy tilted his head to the side before flicking some ash into the ashtray located on the desk. "I'm not the man that you want me to be, you knew that from the start. What has suddenly changed, aye? Why are you doing this now?"

He wasn't wrong, you did. Tommy was never going to be in a relationship, he still struggled to cope with the loss of Grace and you accepted that at first but as the months passed, you couldn't keep the feelings at bay. You told yourself that it would pass but with every touch and every kiss, you found yourself falling deeper for him and you soon realised that it was all going to end up in heartbreak. The only person who would end up sobbing into their pillow though was you, it would never be Tommy.

"I know and I can't change that, no matter how much I try." Leaning over, you took the cigarette from Tommy and took a long drag of it yourself. "I need to be realistic though and I need to look after myself - the only way I can do that is by leaving this behind and thinking of it as a learning experience."

Tommy's lack of words was making you embarrassed but what else did you expect from a man who didn't even open up to his own family? It would be a miracle to get emotions out of Tommy Shelby, maybe one woman would succeed in doing so but you were never going to be that girl, you were simply a distraction for Tommy whenever things got rough.

"I don't know what you want me to say. I mean, what do you want from me? I can't give you love like you want, I can't take you on dates and shower you with gifts and flowers."

"I don't want you to say anything to me and I don't want anything from you, not ever again." You stood up and stubbed the cigarette out, a soft smile on your lips as you took one last look at Tommy. "You are a good man beneath that false persona you put up for business reasons, I just wish that you would have let me see more of the real Tommy Shelby."

"Everything that happened between me and you were real," Tommy suddenly said, stopping your feet from walking out of the office door.

Every part of you wanted to turn around and take every word that you had spoken back but you were independent and you didn't need Tommy Shelby. A few years from now, you would look back on the relationship and chuckle at how silly it had been.

With your hand on the door knob, you glanced back at Tommy and shook your head. "It wasn't real and that's okay. It was nice knowing you, Tommy. I hope you find someone who makes you happy."  

[authors note; please check out my john fic called million dollar man, forever thankful]